tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67344590461731175752024-02-08T01:15:54.911+00:00Diary of a Yorkshire Girl Moving to SpainStudent - Au Pair - Language Assistant MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-26515806728080527172013-08-26T20:26:00.001+01:002013-08-26T20:26:03.948+01:00ProcrastinationYou know what? Instead of packing, organising my life and sorting myself out, I'm going to have a bath, rename my blog and watch about 5 episodes of 90210. Rock and roll lifestyle.MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-13207706153413017182013-08-26T20:25:00.000+01:002013-08-26T20:25:02.685+01:004 daysFrom 23 days, to 3 days and 4 hours 'till France. Someone remind me why I'm doing this? My love of children? NOPE. My lifelong desire to live in France? NOPE. To practice my French skills? NOPE NOPE NOPE.<br />
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I currently have a suitcase full of bags of vacuum packed stuff, next to a massive pile of unpacked stuff. I'm going to have to take two suitcases. Crazy bag lady? I'm stressing. I have loads to do before I go and the biggest problem... <span style="font-size: xx-small;">I don't know if I even want to go. </span>It's a ten months. Nearly a whole year. Do I want to be away for that long? Sure, I'll come home in between, but only for like a few days at a time. I was out in the countryside today thinking how much I love England. So why am I going?<br />
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I have a bit of a fear. I know it's a bit stupid, but in my head it's not. When I was in Romania there was an event. Not a good one. We were staying in an apartment and to cut a long story short, one day we angered a neighbour who went CRAZY. I mean like literally knocking the door down crazy. It ended in a fight with chains, a baseball bat and lots of blood (thankfully not any of mine!). Luckily, I was with 5 other girls and we contacted a Romanian friend to call the police for us, but what if it happens again. This time I'll be on my own. I love the idea of having my own place, but I know I'll be on edge for a while.<br />
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And my next issue. Once I leave, I don't really have anywhere to come back to. Basically, my brother moved out earlier this year, saying he never planned to live at home again. My mum moved house, somewhere with no spare room for little bro to come back to. Little bro's circumstances changed and he moved home and since I got home from Spain, the living room has been his bedroom. When I leave, he gets my room. All fine, till I want to come home. And then I don't have anywhere to come "home" to. My mum said I'll always have a place here, but I don't count camping out in the living room a place. Sorry if that sounds ungreatful, but really, would you want to sleep in a room that's not really a bedroom, knowing you're stopping everyone else from being able to lounge on the sofa and watch TV etc?<br />
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I still need to buy gifts for the family, a birthday present for my niece who turns 5 just after I leave, finish packing, "pack" my room so my little brother can move into it, see my friends and mentally prepare myself. Last night I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating too fast and I was over thinking this whole situation way too much. Is that a sign that it's a mistake? It's too late to back out now. 4 more sleeps.<br />
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Grumpy grumps.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-54901117859937672592013-08-07T21:49:00.000+01:002013-08-07T21:49:47.121+01:00All ChangeSo it's been over a month since I last wrote.<br />
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A summary of those weeks: The children cried when I left Spain (does that mean they actually liked me?), I nearly missed my flight, I came home to a new house and new people, I got involved with something (or should I say someone) I shouldn't have, I had a few very drunken, very shameful nights out, one of which included a 3am phonecall to my little brother to come out and pay the taxi while I lay on the drive and my friend.. was being sick in the bin, I drank far too much of the Spanish spirits I brought home which resulted in the shameful nights, befriended a homeless man, got a kidney infection againnnn, got a job, turned it down and the main thing...<br />
<br />
I've accepted a job in Paris. Working as an au pair. After saying I'd never do it again.<br />
<br />
WHAT AM I DOING?<br />
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Good news is that this time I get my own apartment. Bad news is that I'll have 3 children to look after.<br />
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I can't speak any French. Literally, bonjour is as far as it goes.<br />
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So I'm off to France. My Eurostar is booked for the 30th August, so 23 days. It was such an impulsive decision. One minute I was thinking about getting a "proper" job and moving out of home and the next I was booking a train to France.<br />
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Fingers crossed it works out a bit better this time.<br />
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Do I start a new blog? Rename this one? What?<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-67242865441270117772013-06-26T13:19:00.001+01:002013-06-26T13:19:25.828+01:00I'm so hungry!For some reason there's been no bread for the past few days. And now it's hotter, the fruit is all warm and mushy. So I've had to have a mushy pear for breakfast every day and now I'm starving! It's 2.15pm and they're still happily swimming round the pool. FEED ME.<br />
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I can't even go out and buy food because they've just announced that as well as looking after the children alllll morning I also have to do English with the older girl all afternoon. I want to go and buy nice food, fro-yo, pick'n'mix and take some photos. But no. Grumpy children it is.<br />
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I don't know if I'll have time to do anything. As well as the above, I want to buy some alcohol, print off my boarding pass and have another beach trip but by the sounds of it I'm working pretty much all of the last 2 and a half days I'm here.<br />
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Get me home.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-88325903908081960952013-06-22T19:27:00.002+01:002013-06-22T19:28:21.687+01:00Police, hospitals, visits and home*I started writing this days ago, but haven't got round to finishing it, doing to do a whole week in one post...<br />
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So last time I wrote, I was thinking about baked beans and pesto. Neither of these things made it to my mouth :( although I did buy some pasta sauce which satisfied my need for flavour and set me up nicely for Friday nights adventures.<br />
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I met up with a Polish au pair by the church in the town and then we headed to this nice beach front bar where we met the others. It was a massive mix of people, young and old from all over, America, Canada, Germany, Morocco, Poland, Wales, Scotland and England. There was a guy there from 20 minutes from where I live in England. Small world. Me and G (the Polish girl) had a jug of sangria, love the stuff. After everyone had had a few drinks we went to the main gay pride area where Kitty from X factor was performing. As you probably guessed, she wasn't so good. The atmosphere was so good though!<br />
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We went on to "Sin Street" and went to this weird old bar which I didn't rate much but we had a couple of drinks. This crazy 50 year old Canadian woman we were with was literally pouncing on any man she could find. Pretty gross really. After this point, things get a little hazy. I have to remember that Spanish measures are way bigger than what we have in England! We all were chatting, dancing, having a good time. We went on to this tiny club and I made friends with a drag queen. G wanted to go somewhere else, I thought she could do with going home so we left the others and headed back down the main street. We stopped and had broken conversations with people in the street, bought more drinks and danced in a bar. At one point I was getting swung round the dance floor by this creepy little man. Lovely. As we left the bar, G was suddenly REALLY drunk and I was practically carrying her down the street. These two guys offered to help and I drunkenly thought it was a good idea and we stumbled down to the beach. I REALLY needed the loo so wandered off with one of the guys speaking really bad Spanish, went to the nearest bar and practically ran back to G. When I got back this man beckoned me over and asked if I was okay. I was like... erm... I guess so. Thinking who is this man? Turns out he was an undercover police man. He told me the men we were with were "morrocs" (does this mean they're from Morocco? I don't know) and he told them to leave and helped me move G. I went to get her some water and the police man said I had to call her host family because we didn't know her address. I told him I couldn't as it was her first week and I thought she might get sent home if she'd got into that state. Long story short, I ended up calling her brother in Poland at 4.30am (5.30am Polish time?) and he had to contact their dad and text me the address. By this point G was pretty much passed out and the police man called an ambulance and we ended up miles out of town at the nearest hospital. I just hung around while they did whatever they do with drunk people and finally at around 6am we were allowed to get a taxi home. I managed pretty good Spanish. I think I did anyway, but maybe my drunken Spanish isn't as good as I think it is. By the time we'd dropped G at hers and I'd stumbled back to mine it was about 7am. Luckily "my" family were away so no explaining had to be done. G sent me a message the next day saying I was her "angel" haha. Always the good samaritan.<br />
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The next day I dragged myself out of bed and went to the beach with J, the English au pair I met. We chilled on the beach and then went to watch the gay pride parade which was so much fun! Such a good atmosphere. It was so hot though and I was hungover so after about half an hour we headed off for some food then back to the beach. It was actually a really good day despite the lingering hangover. I got home around 8.30 and just chilled in the house. It was soo good to have a break from the family for a bit. On the Sunday I just had a lie in, went to the supermarket and met up with M, an American au pair for a couple of beers. I'd left the family a note saying what time I'd be home, but when I got back they were like... oh.. we didn't cook for you because we didn't know when you'd get back and seemed a bit pissed off. I left a note though and it's not like they'd told me when they'd be home. I felt bad anyway, so told them I'd already eaten and went to bed hungry.<br />
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This weeks been a mix of good and bad. The children are literally driving me INSANE. They're so nice sometimes, then so whiny, loud, annoying, rude etc etc other times. The older girl keeps saying she won't eat because "I no like" even though the day before she told me it was her fave food... And there were tears about having to spend the afternoon with me to do English. Way to make me feel wanted. They keep not telling me whats going on too and I can't cope with it. On Monday morning I told the mum I have to go home early because I have to do something for uni. I feel bad for not telling the truth, but I'd basically be insulting them if I did. So I go home a week today. In fact this time next week I'll be at home. Hopefully about to eat some tasty food and sleep in my double bed. I'm so so sad to be leaving the town. I've met some really cool people and I absolutely love the place. But the work isn't fun and living with someone else's family is too hard. I need my independence back.<br />
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Aside from the work/leaving early issues. I had a nice week. My uncle came over from England on Tuesday so I've been out for tea every night and shown him the town and things. He loves it here too and is already talking about getting an apartment/living here. We had some amaaazing food at this place called the Beach House. I had a seafood hot pot and it was SO good. Yum. Beats soggy green beans. Lots of frozen yoghurt too. Love it. On Thursday after a meal with my uncle I went to meet some of the people I met on Friday. We chilled in an outdoor bar for a bit and had some drinks, then went to this little jazz night. Jazz is not my thing at all but the company was good. There was only four of us. A guy I think in his 40's who's a little weird/inappropriate but not bad, a guy in his 30's who's an English teacher here and M, the American au pair. I got pretty drunk. The guys were buying all our drinks and we ended up in this little bar/club we went to on Friday. We were the only ones in there and we were talking to the reallyyy camp owner. He was a lot of fun. It was a good night and so nice to do something different.<br />
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My uncle left this morning, we went for a drink and then I took him to the train station. Came home for a nap and headed to the beach for a couple of hours. I came home expecting the family to be back from buying a new apartment (they have SO many houses!) but they weren't. Had a shower. Still no sign. Went to the shop. Still nothing. I was STARVING and didn't know if they were coming back for food so ended up making some pasta. I know they don't need to tell me their plans but I tell them roughly when I'll be home etc, surely they should tell me too?<br />
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Never mind. 6 days to go. I'm so excited to get back to my home comforts and freedom, but so sad to be leaving Spain. I'm going to crack on with my TEFL course and hopefully be back in a few months. Unless I change my mind which is a common occurrence.<br />
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Now it's written down my week sounds a bit uninteresting, but I've had a lot of fun and met a lot of people. If I could have my life here minus the work and living arrangements, I'd love it! I don't mind working, but au pairing is just not for me.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-84936256821515787632013-06-14T15:57:00.001+01:002013-06-14T15:58:03.553+01:00Ups, downs and english foodThis time yesterday I was writing a post about being sure I wanted to go home. Right now, I'm excited about going out for drinks tonight and a weekend of being pretty much home alone as the family are going away.<br />
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I spent my morning drinking Koppaberg on the beach with another au pair I met and this afternoon in the pool with the older girl. I'm planning on going to the newly discovered English shop to buy beans and pesto (FINALLY something with flavor!) and probably everything else in the shop. Chocolate, crisps, coke... So much for healthy eating... Would it be sad to buy a couple of Estrella cans to drink before I go out? I know I'm alone but yummy dinner on the terrace with a cold beer sounds too good.<br />
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So today things are good. Apart from the sun burnt shoulders and forehead.. But I'll forget about that. I'll forget even more when I've filled up on some much needed alcohol.<br />
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It's Gay Pride here this weekend too and there's loads going on. There's a massive stage set up on the sea front and tomorrow there's a parade in the afternoon. Excited!<br />
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Five weeks tomorrow until home time. On Sunday I can say 4 weeks on 6 days. I can cope with that. I think.<br />
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I need to think about what I'll do when I get home. Am I going to do a TEFL course and go away? Or just get a job and hang around in England? I have no idea. How am I supposed to figure it out?<br />
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Writing about food has made me hungry. I might have to go to the shop over the road first, I might be able to get Spanish versions of beans and pesto there instead of paying extra for English brands. Is 5pm too early to have my tea? In England, not so much. In Spain, definitely yes. I have a horrible crazing for a kebab with loads of garlic mayo. YUM. Just the little issue of being a vegetarian. Do Spanish people go for post night out takeaways? I could so eat a pizza...<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-38057707896823112192013-06-11T10:23:00.001+01:002013-06-11T10:23:53.922+01:00BarcelonaI went into Barcelona yesterday. It's such an easy journey, I'll definitely be going again soon. We only went to take the older girl to the orthodontist (she's only 8, isn't that really early to be getting a brace?) so I didn't get much chance to explore this time.<br />
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Yesterday I was like... Time is going fast, I can definitely cope with another 5 and a half weeks here. This morning, not so much. I was on Facebook and saw that one of my best friends is home from uni and I want to be there too! Instead I'm here, on my own, bored... I guess I have the sun though. <i>38 days to go.</i><br />
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I'm sad that I'm counting down the days. I knew this would happen. I plan things and get all excited, but still find myself ending up counting down until the end. I keep thinking about how excited I'm going to feel when I get on the plane home. Eeee can't wait. 5 weeks 4 days. By Saturday it will be 4 weeks and 6 days. I just need to remember that time will pass. I can do it, right?<br />
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This weekend I want to stay in the town, I'm supposed to be going for drinks on Friday (FINALLY A SOCIAL EVENT!) and an au pair from the next village has asked if I want to meet up on Saturday. But the family want to go to their house in the country. How can I get out of it? It's also Gay Pride Festival and I want to see the parades etc!<br />
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Oh life. It's such a strange thing. I wonder if I will ever be content with the speed it's going and what I am doing with it.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-75848178801036078202013-06-09T11:00:00.001+01:002013-06-09T11:00:34.092+01:00Party WearThe children have just left to go to a party on the beach and oh my god, their dresses were "grown up" to put it nicely. They were really nice... but more appropriate for an 18 year old going clubbing. Super short, halterneck and seriously low cut. Maybe I'm just being a bit prudish or maybe English styles are different but it's not what I would choose to put children in. But hey, it's not my place to judge.<br />
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Is it normal for children to cry a million times a day? This morning it was because the little one had bubble gum and the older one couldn't have any because she has a brace. Stomp stomp, shout shout. I'm sure there wasn't this much drama in my house when me and my brothers were younger.<br />
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It is now officially less than 6 weeks until I go home. 40 days. Can I do it? I flip between being like this is easyyy to thinking I want to go home tomorrow. But I actually cant, even if I wanted to because my brother is using my room at home while I'm away so I have to stay. The countdown timer on my phone is ticking away nicely. Slowly... but it's going down. I keep looking at planes and thinking how excited I'll be when it's finally my time to go hooooome. I think if I had more of a social like I wouldn't miss it so much, but because my life here revolves around walking around aimlessly and looking after children it makes me miss my social life at home.<br />
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I should be enjoying this. Hardly any responsibilities and loads of time to sit in the sun. I do like it, but it gets a bit lonely. Where are all the other au pairs? People here are LOADED, surely there must be more people with au pairs?!<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-51993498777309361072013-06-08T19:55:00.002+01:002013-06-08T19:55:48.700+01:00I am a stalker.So after my chat with the attractive Spanish man, I appear to have turned into a stalker.<br />
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Yesterday wasn't so bad, but today I have walked past the place he works 5 times. I had to stop myself wandering past all evening. I saw him, but he had disappeared before I got there (hiding?) so I just kept walking. I don't even know why. He isn't some amazing god or anything, just a nice friendly guy. It must be my lack of male attention recently making me crazy.<br />
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Speaking of male attention, one of my fellow "spinsters" has pretty much got herself a boyfriend. HOW COULD SHE!? She knows she has to stay single with me. I know it's only a matter of time until I'm the last one in the group without one. Depressing. But what am I supposed to do? I either don't attract anyone, or I find myself in situations with people who already have girlfriends which 1. makes me a very bad person and 2. never ends well. When will it be my turn to find someone nice?<br />
<br />
Well that definitely makes me sound like a desperate man obsessed stalker. Which I'm not. Honestly. I just get sick of other peoples happy stories when I'm about as single as you can get. Hello Bridget Jones.<br />
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Today has been okay. The family went out for the day so I've been alone all day and it's been nice. This morning I went on a stamp and postbox hunt, then went to the beach after lunch, out for a stalk/walk this evening and made my own food (pasta without half a bottle of olive oil, YAY) and I'm going to have a shower and watch a film or something soon.<br />
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I like the "me" time and relaxing, but what I really want right now is a crazy Spanish night out. I want to drink beer and dance on tables. But I'm a loner so that ain't gonna happen. I've spoken to another girl who is coming to be an au pair on Monday, maybe she will want to go crazy with me. I hope so. Otherwise I'm going to end up table dancing alone.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-86180566858640251732013-06-07T15:27:00.000+01:002013-06-07T15:27:02.318+01:00A Plan?Okay. I may have come up with a plan. Although maybe not. But at the moment, the plan is...<br />
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Go home in July, find a bar job or something easy like that, and do a TELF course. Save save save until after xmas and then look into English teaching jobs in Valencia or somewhere else in Spain.<br />
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As sad as it is, the more I think about the job in Barcelona, the more I think it isn't right for me. I don't think I could live with a host family for a year. The family I'm living with now are so nice and I'm free to do what I want, but I couldn't do it for a long time. I need my freedom and independence. The worst thing is having to tell everyone that actually, I'm not moving to Spain in September. I'll have to deal with all the questions and sympathetic "Oh but you were SO excited..." comments. Yes, I know I was, but things change.<br />
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Is this new plan a good idea? Or do I still want to just stay at home and get on with life? SOMEONE HELP ME DECIDE!<br />
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I need to speak to my mum or dad. They usually help. But my mum is moving house today and is super stressed and my dad is on holiday, so neither are much use right now. I literally go in circles. But this is probably the best plan.. I think..<br />
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I get stressed that I'm nearly 23 and have no idea where I want to go with my life. And then I think that by the time I'm 26/27 I want to be with a serious boyfriend/fiance, be thinking about houses and children and know what I'm doing with life. That's 4/5 years. What am I doing? Stress. Right now I'm counting down the days until I get home, where I'll be living with my mum and her new partner, unemployed, carless, most of my friends aren't coming back to my city after uni and with no idea what to do.<br />
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Home > bar job > TEFL course > save up > come back to Spain in January? Yes? No?<br />
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What if I spend £350 on the TEFL course and then don't use it? I guess it's only money... But it's not like I'm rolling in it. Hmmm. Decisions.<br />
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I did say to myself I would let myself bum around until I'm 25 so even if I didn't go until January, I would still have over a year and a half to spend teaching somewhere.<br />
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Oh I don't know. I'm useless with decisions at the moment.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-83358409503492476742013-06-06T17:17:00.001+01:002013-06-06T17:17:27.877+01:00SunshineThe weather is so good! Around 23 degrees so not too hot and not a cloud in the sky :)<br />
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I've not had much to write about this week. It's not been bad, just a bit uneventful. Monday was the usual walk before picking up the girls for lunch, afternoon wandering in the town, evening English time with the older girl in the pool. Tuesday, I had the afternoon free so went to the beach and yesterday we went to a nearby city to some retail event thing. It was loads of different designer brands and they all had pop up shops in this old industrial area. Bit weird and a bit boring. I bought a dress, top and necklace but apart from that it was a bit dull. Last night I went in the pool for more English time with the older girl and just relaxed this morning and went to the beach this afternoon.<br />
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As I was walking to the school at lunch time this guy shouted "Que tal?" after me in the street and walked after me. I stopped and had a chat in English. He was pretty decent looking. I couldn't tell if he was flirting or just wanted a chat. He was asking if I lived here now (does that mean he's seen me walk past where he works? I go that way nearly every day...) how old I was (said goood, when I said 22) and said "see you" when I left. Hmm. Maybe it's just the lack of male attention or maybe he was a bit interested. I don't know. I'll be taking a walk that way again soon.<br />
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Still so up and down about the Barcelona job. Really don't know what to do. Another guy replied to my message about it and said around 30 people got sent home in the first month last year for going out too much. WHAT?! I don't want to go out everyday, but a couple of times a week isn't unreasonable is it?<br />
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Ohhhh I don't know. I need someone to make the decision for me. It's too hard.<br />
<br />
43 days until home time. 11 days until my uncle gets here for 4 days. 32 days until my friend gets to Spain.<br />
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Another au pair that messaged me arrives on Monday so hopefully I'll be meeting up with her next week. I just want some social events to keep me occupied and I'm sure I'll be fine.<br />
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Oh, and the dad announced yesterday they might be going to their house in the Pyrenees a week on Saturday where they walk. FOR 6 HOURS. I like a nice stroll, but hiking for half a day? No thanks. For a start, the most sensible shoes I have are converse and they're hardly hiking material... Already thinking of a way to get out of going.<br />
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I thought I was tanning, but apparently I am red. I don't think I'm burnt, I just have naturally quite a red skin tone. Lovely.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-86583176162572402432013-06-02T10:44:00.002+01:002013-06-02T10:44:39.499+01:00YesterdayYesterday was probably the best day I've had so far. I got up, chilled for a bit and then we took the girls to paint flowers to put on the gates of the city hall for the Corpus Christi fesival. That bit was a bit boring, I kept watching all these children bumbling around with paint brushes and all I could think was I'm wearing a white dress.. they better not come near me. I escaped unpainted and we went to the beach. The family I work for are members of the nautical club so I can use the changing rooms, showers, bar etc right on the beach. To be honest, I'd be pretty happy just roughing it and using the normal beach but I can't complain. So we had a couple of hours on the beach, most of the time I spent sunbathing but then went in the sea for a bit with the older girl. We came home and had a late lunch, shower and a nap and then went out to watch this weird parade with some giants. Never seen anything like it and I actually thought it was pretty creepy :/ but the children enjoyed it. We hung around on the street for aaages with the family and some of their friends, before going to a Southern California style restaurant. The menu was written in English and I liked the fact I could be independent in choosing my food. It gets a bit tiring having to have everything explained to me all the time. The meal went on for aaages and the children were all running round and being loud. I know kids do that, but I'm sure I was never quite that bad when I was little. We walked around the town a bit after. By this point I was SO tired and ready for bed but followed them round like a sheep for a bit. Literally crawled into bed when I got home and slept until 9.30 this morning (apart from waking up when the kids got up to go and put flowers on the street. This family is insanely loud).<br />
<br />
No one was in when I woke up so I just had breakfast and went for a walk to see the flowers. I thought I'd see the family while I was out but didn't. I never really know what I'm supposed to do. Are my weekends free? Do they think I'm lazy when I don't get involved in stuff? I wish they had given me more information about what I actually have to do. I really don't feel like I DO anything. I just kind of follow them round occasionally speaking a bit of English. The only think I do that feels like I'm doing something is picking the girls up for lunch, dropping them back at school and the two evenings a week that I take the older girl out on my own. Is that enough? They pay me a decent about and really I only work about 8 hours a week...<br />
<br />
I'm enjoying it here and hopefully meeting up with 2 other au pairs this afternoon. That didn't stop me from installing a countdown app on my phone. <i>47 days, 21 hours, 16 minutes and 8 seconds.</i> 6 weeks and 6 days. I can do this!<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-14305500546538669672013-05-31T17:46:00.004+01:002013-05-31T17:47:13.518+01:00What is wrong with me?Seriously. What is wrong with me? This morning I was looking into how much it would cost to change my flight to an earlier date and giving up on Barcelona, this afternoon I am thinking about all the things I can do before I leave and getting excited about September. Some serious mind changing going on at the moment. I blame the amount of thinking time I have here!<br />
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This afternoon I was just hanging out in my room waiting until I had to go and collect the children from school and it got to 4.45pm, I went downstairs and the mum wasn't there. I didn't know if I was supposed to be picking the girls up or what so I wandered over to the school and she was like "You no need!" and basically said they didn't need me.. I wandered to the park with them and left so I could go for a walk. Why does no one tell me these things? Am I just supposed to guess? I'm not complaining about the free time, but really, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!<br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-88461734325788727572013-05-31T10:34:00.003+01:002013-05-31T10:34:52.024+01:00Decisions DecisionsI emailed the people I will be working for in Spain asking if it is okay to book my flights in July. I was going to do this so I could wait and see where I was being placed before I made a decision, but apparently they can't tell me until my flight is booked. So now I don't know what to do. I'm so up and down. On the one hand, being in Barcelona, living in a different country, learning Spanish and being with a good friend of mine who is also moving there in September sounds so good... But at the same time having to live with a host family, barely earning any money, working long days and missing home puts me off. I don't want to turn it down and end up regretting it, but then I don't want to waste my money on flights etc if I'm not sure. I spoke to my dad last night and he said go for it, get the experience and enjoy time abroad. I don't know. Yesterday I was quite sure I'd do it, today, not so much.<br />
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I'm bored today. It's grey outside so I don't really want to go out so I've been sat browsing the internet for ages. I think the family think that I am really boring, but what else should I be doing? I don't want to wander round in bad weather, I only have 2 hours until I collect the children so that means I can't go anywhere too far away and I have no friends yet to meet up with. How much of a loser does that make me sound? I'm hopefully meeting up with another au pair and some other people on Sunday though. I just hope they're nice and lead me to actually having a bit of a social life here! I don't think I'm really cut out to be an au pair. I don't have enough interest in the children. The little one annoys me. They're so whiny and literally cry about 10 times a day.<br />
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One more day until I can say I go home next month. I know it doesn't make much difference but it makes me feel better. It's not that I miss home so much, it's just that I miss social interaction and knowing things. I wander round in a little bubble, occasionally understanding a little bit of Spanish here and there. It gets tiring having to make so much effort with conversations and making sure I speak really clearly. I'm so lucky to have got a good family and to be living in a beautiful place but a little bit of me would love to be getting on a plane home in a couple of days. This is also what worries me about the job in September. I like my home comforts, I'm a home bird. Why am I finding it so hard to make a decision?! Until last weekend I was sorted, I knew I wanted to do it, I was excited... Now I'm a bit like... Nothing. Maybe I need to just book my flights and get it over with. I might have a look now and just go for it.. but then maybe I should wait a bit. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.<br />
<br />
I got an email the other day telling me my dissertation results would be up by next Friday. SCARY. I really, really hope I did okay. I tried hard with it, I'll be so disappointed if I don't get a good mark. I don't know when my other marks will come. It's such a weird feeling just waiting. Someone out there will probably know how I've done.<br />
<br />
I've been here a week and 2 days. Why do I already want to go home? This is what I mean about trying to make myself be the kind of person who loves travelling etc when really, I just like my home comforts and familiarity. But when I get home, it won't be my home. My mum's moving so I'll be in a new house. How strange. At least my room is nice and in the attic so away from everyone.<br />
<br />
I always thought I'd know what I want to do with my life but right now I'm a bit like... I'm an "adult" now, I need to make decisions but I have no idea what I want to do. None. Help me.<br />
<br />
Kisses<br />
<br />
p.s. yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the beach and this couple sat down next to me and practically started <i>doing it</i>. Gross. I had to get up and move. It wasn't even a quiet bit of the beach. Plus it reminded me just how single I am. Lovely.MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-23983071794457612022013-05-30T10:56:00.003+01:002013-05-30T11:05:57.873+01:00SunI've just been sat on the terrace reading and had to come inside because it was TOO HOT! How good does that sound? After what felt like the longest winter, having some good weather has really cheered me up! I was sitting up there thinking "I'm glad I'm alone" as my sunglasses slipped down my sweaty nose. Sweaty sweaty. I still have the stupid heat rash though. I'm sat with a water bottle tucked under my chin to try and get rid of it. Gross.<br />
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The girls have their swimming lesson again today, so I'm hoping that means I'm free again once they go back to school at 3pm. I might try and get to the beach for a bit. Sunbathing tiiiime. If I don't go back to England with a tan I will class this trip as a failure. I NEED a tan. I want to look good for graduation. Thinking of graduation, I need a dress. I keep looking in the shop windows in the town and they have some nice things, but I checked out the price of one dress and it was over 250 euros. I don't have that kind of money! I can sense a panicked shopping trip on my way home from the airport. 3 days before graduation, is that cutting it a bit fine?<br />
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Last night, I'd been doing some English with the older girl and we were making necklaces with some shells we got on the beach and the mum came in, asked the girl something then went mental at her. I thought maybe she was angry we were doing crafty stuff so quickly tidied up while the girl screamed and cried. It went on for about 5 minutes and I just sat there like... Whaaat? Turns out the girl had left some important work at school so couldn't revise for a test. Bit of an overreaction by the mum I thought, but hey, it's not my place to judge.<br />
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As if it's Thursday already! I've now been here over a week. 7 and a half weeks to go... A long time? I hope not. I forgot there was markets in the town today but now I don't have time to go before I pick up the children at 1. Next week maybe. This weekend there is some kind of festival in the town. Corpus Christi or something. Apparently they make like giant rugs of flower petals. Someone said something about having to get up at 7am on Sunday for the children to prepare their rug. I hope I'm not included in this. I should get weekends off, but I don't want to presume. I work so little, I feel like I should still make an effort at the weekend, but really, all I want to do is go and lay on the beach all day. I joined some meet up group on the internet and they're having a picnic on the beach on Sunday, should I go? I hope they're not all older than me. I'm really craving some young people company.<br />
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I got my start date for the Barcelona job. 27th September. Do I do it? I really can't decide. I want to find out where they are placing me before I commit to it, but I'm not sure when that will be. My friend is moving to Barcelona too so I'm sure I'd have fun, it's just the money that I'm worried about the most. It's not like I have super rich parents to scrounge from or a bank full of savings. Hmmm.<br />
<br />
I'm so hungry. I'm trying to be healthy. I would love to go back to England and people be like wooow have you seen how great she looks, all tanned and thin! I had a pear and a kiwi for breakfast, then its some kind of weird combination of veg and tuna for lunch. I only need to wait another hour and a half until I have lunch. Must not eat. So hungry thought! I'll probably pass out on the way to pick up the children.<br />
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They have another 3 weeks of school before they start their summer hollidays. I'm dreading it. I like the peace and quiet in the house. Plus I'll have to work more. Blahhh. I want to ask more about how much I have to work in the holidays and at weekends but I don't know how. Guess I'll have to wait and see.<br />
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I might nap until it's time to get the children. Try and forget about the hunger.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-38961805376651415382013-05-28T14:29:00.001+01:002013-05-28T14:29:22.315+01:00Me and Children Do Not MixDeciding to work with children would make you think I like them, right? Wrong. I have no patience with them. They wind me up, they're so clumsy, noisy, messy... Throw into the mix the inability to speak English and dealing with a 5 year old is not fun. Older children aren't so bad, but I can only pretend to be interested in what they're doing for so long. Then I start to zone out and daydream.<br />
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I have a beautiful little niece who is 4. I don't know if it's because she's family or because she's very well behaved but she is the only child I can cope with for long periods of time. Even then I am usually relieved when my brother comes to pick her up after a long day. I used to love children. Now not so much.<br />
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Today is another day of wondering why I'm here. The weather isn't great and I just wandered around this morning before picking the children up for lunch. It was the first day of me looking after them alone. It went ok, but I was glad to to drop them back off at school. I'm now free until 6.30/7pm as they have a swimming lesson after school and I learnt after last time I am better off not going. Not sure what to do with myself, is it bad to just sit and watch Eastenders? If it was sunny I'd go to the beach or in the pool but it's grey and windy.<br />
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I'm so up in the air with everything. Decisions decisions. I've contacted a few people doing the teaching programme I should be doing in September through Facebook (hello creepy stalker) so just waiting for them to reply. I don't want to rush into deciding anything. I've also contacted a copywriting business at home to see about arranging some work experience (super proactive) so I'll see what turns up. I'll finish my 8 weeks here, go home and see what occurs. I really want to see my friends, I haven't seen many since Easter so it'll be good to see them when I'm back in July. 3 more days until I can say "I go home next month". Why do I do this? I count down time and wish my life away far too much. I need to relax and enjoy now rather than think about whats next.<br />
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I need some sun. Then I'll be content spending my free time on the beach. Until then, bed and Eastenders it is.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-60195931028576113762013-05-27T21:17:00.000+01:002013-05-27T21:17:46.608+01:00General Life MusingsI went for a walk this morning and sat on one of the jetty things that goes out to sea, listening to music for nearly an hour. It was so peaceful and relaxing and I really had time to think about things. I'm slowly going off the idea of spending a year in Barcelona. It makes me feel sad that I was so excited about it and now I'm going the opposite way, but there is part of me that just wants to get back to England, figure out what it is that I want to do and get a job. I want to have a car and move out of my mum's and be able to do nice things, which I couldn't do while living in Spain with a host family, earning 40 euros a week. I know I won't go straight in to earning big money or anything, but it's more just that I want to get on with life. Deep down I know that what I want is a nice group of friends (which I already have but are now spread across the UK), a job that I enjoy, a little car to get about in and a nice, steady boyfriend. I sound so boring! But then I can't help what I am... I still want to do fun things, see new places etc and I still can, even when I'm working 9-5. I don't know. I'm so indecisive. I'll probably have changed my mind again by next week. I'm going to use my free time to research my options and see what emerges. There's not too much of a rush and I don't have to commit to anything yet.<br />
<br />
My first "normal" day of au pairing went well today. I went for a walk and sat by the sea, stopped at a cafe for a drink, caught up on things on my laptop and spent time with the children. I took the older girl to the beach and I was supposed to be helping her practice her English but I'm not sure if we actually did much of that. More just making patterns in the sand, paddling and running around. I had fun though.<br />
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Before I came here I thought I'd want to meet people and go for nights out etc, but I'm pretty content just hanging around, having early nights and enjoying the peace and relaxation (seriously, where did the old me go?!). After the last year of uni and all the work I've done it feels so good to just stop and chill out for a bit. I'm trying to be extra healthy, lots of exercise, eating well, no alcohol... I'd love to go back to England tanned, fit and super healthy. I want to join a gym when I get home and really get into looking after myself. But I'll have to see. I seem to say a lot of things at the moment and not follow them through.<br />
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I realise my blog isn't really that exiting. It's not funny, full of crazy stories or lots of advice, but I guess one day it will help me to read it back and maybe anyone else in a similar position. I sound like such a loser, reflecting on life and planning the future, but being here alone is really making me think.<br />
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I'm having fun here though. 8 weeks doesn't seem too long anymore and I really like the family I'm working for. For anyone reading this who's thinking about au pairing - do it! Make sure you have a good family and go for it.<br />
<br />
I'm off to watch Peter Andre: My Life now. How exciting am I?<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-54657991817153879862013-05-26T21:28:00.002+01:002013-05-27T08:40:35.384+01:00Weekend Away and Life PlanningMy weekend in the Costa Brava was not what I expected. I naively had imagined a nice villa, sailing on a bit yacht while lounging in the sun and a long, luxurious meal served on a terrace by the sea... Instead we were staying at what I guess was like an outdoor pursuit center. Loads of children on a school trip, school dinner type food in a canteen and sailing was lots of people squashed into an unsteady looking boat. But overall it was alright.<br />
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On Saturday we arrived, had lunch, dumped our bags and headed off for "sailing". By this time it was FREEZING so I decided to stay on the shore and went with my host mum, her friend and the 2 youngest children. I had a hot chocolate (in Spain?! In May?!) and shivered away until they got back to shore. It chucked it down. And I mean REALLY chucked it down. It was like a monsoon. The children were grumpy, I was cold and one of the girls stood on my new, white converse with her sandy/muddy shoes :( We went to a bar for a drink and between 6 noisy children and 5 adults only speaking in Spanish I wondered why I was doing this. I could be at home doing nothing, choosing to do what I want, when I want and not having children around me 24/7. We went back to the place we were staying, showered and headed down for dinner (no vegetarian alternative so I ended up with greasy chips and a bit of salad...) before the adults cracked open the wine. They kept offering me more and for a moment I was tempted to down a bottle and get really drunk. But that would make me a bad au pair so refrained. One of the other dads got me a gin and tonic though and it was SO strong. After that I decided no more alcohol because I would definitely have got drunk. Before dinner, the English guy who is married to (or just "with") one of the family's friends arrived and we had an awkward conversation. He's lived in Spain 7 years and still can't speak the language. Crazy! Because we were both English we were basically left to make awkward conversation all night. He was nice, but there's only so much a 22 year old and a 40 or 50 something year old can talk about. I asked why he moved to Spain and that opened the can of worms about a messy divorce and England being a "dark" place for him. I just kind of sat there thinking about how unsympathetic I am and hoping he would change to a happier subject. Awkward. And yes I realised I used awkward three times in a few sentences describing our encounter, but that's what it was.<br />
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Today we went to the beach and they all went kayaking and paddling round on these ring things. I'd have done it, but no one told me that this weekend was like an adventure activity kind of thing and when they had told me to bring swimming stuff I was imagining laying on a yacht in the middle of the sea so brought a skimpy bikini... Not suitable for water sports. I told them I had a fear of canoes (what?) and sat on the beach with the mums and little children. I listened to my ipod and ignored everyone. Hello grumpy au pair. We headed back for lunch and more awkward conversation with Mr England. No one tells me what's going on and we'll all just be sat down, then everyone suddenly gets up and starts gathering their bags or something and I just have to pretend I totally know whats happening and join in... I think they forget they have to tell me but it makes me look a bit stupid!<br />
<br />
I basically was a rubbish au pair this weekend. I get weekends off so I didn't know if I should be playing with the kids of hanging with the adults. I went to sit with the children to eat and was told to join the adults, but then I was worrying they were all whispering about how bad I was when I wasn't running round getting hot and sweaty chasing after a bouncy ball. We got back "home" at about 6.30 this evening and I made an effort with the older girl and showed her some photo's of my pets and friends at home (quickly skipping past the many drunken/badly behaved photo's on my phone...) and then played battleships before tea. It was quite nice actually and I'm starting to feel a bit more at home. Maybe 8 weeks isn't that long after all (must remember this next time I'm feeling grumpy!) and I'm sure it will fly by.<br />
<br />
I've been doing a lot of thinking about working in Spain from September and I'm not sure it's what I want to do. It's working 25 hours a week, living with a host family and getting paid a "living allowance" of around 40 euros a week... They say they help you set up private English classes and can earn around another 200 euros a week but I'm not sure how likely that actually is. I don't want to be living with strangers, earning nothing and being grumpy. I'm starting to feel ready to get a job in the "real" world. But then this might change tomorrow, I seem so changeable at the moment. It's good to finally have time to think about what I want to do, hopefully by the time I go back to England I might have a bit more of a plan. From being 4 years old your life is planned out. Primary school > secondary school > sixth form > university. Then you hit 21 (22 in my case) and it's just like seeeeya work it out for yourself. I have a lot to think about, but luckily a lot of time to fill.<br />
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My plan for the week is to make more effort with the children (the family are so good to me, I need to make an effort for them!), explore the town a bit more, work out the washing machine and buy a belt. I brought one of my favourite dresses with me but it needs a belt and I forgot mine. I definitely checked round my room before I left looking for it and couldn't see it so I was convinced it was in my suitcase. Where do I buy a belt in a posh, tourist town? Everywhere is either gift shops or exclusive looking boutiques. Hmmm.<br />
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Apparently the weather isn't going to be great so no tanning for a few days. Probably a good thing. I've got a gross heat rash across my chest. I don't know where from because I spent most of the weekend shivering, but it's there and I hate it. I once got it really badly in Romania and it took ages to go. People keep asking if I'm burnt and I'm like I know I'm English, but even English people can't burn when there's barely any sun!<br />
<br />
Fingers crosses it will go down overnight...<br />
<br />
Kisses<br />
<br />
p.s. There was a guy there this weekend called Juanca. Everyone pronounced his name wanker. Oblivious to what that means for me. I laughed to myself every time someone said it...MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-42751711188010791562013-05-24T10:22:00.001+01:002013-05-24T20:45:25.445+01:00Day TwoAfter yesterdays self pitying and miserable post I thought I'd update with a more positive one.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqcLHZqLiejatyo3d331NKXJif4AIa0u0Wh9dSEnGRx1Z0j4HR_YGkvKCAoNDzys7DXAn2RaTRs8MFMckpy-wxXRBY9YFvWmfQdJ7AvCyPPBKy7r-pgNAsRT8SEYOekMz5s4iLJIzYyCe1/s1600/IMAG1031.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqcLHZqLiejatyo3d331NKXJif4AIa0u0Wh9dSEnGRx1Z0j4HR_YGkvKCAoNDzys7DXAn2RaTRs8MFMckpy-wxXRBY9YFvWmfQdJ7AvCyPPBKy7r-pgNAsRT8SEYOekMz5s4iLJIzYyCe1/s320/IMAG1031.jpg" width="180" /></a>My afternoon was better, although when we took the little girl to her swimming lesson all the other Spanish mums looked at me, asked my host mum if I could speak Spanish and then laughed when she said no. They obviously thought I couldn't understand any of what they are saying and although my Spanish is bad, I do understand bits so I knew they were talking about me!<br />
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I had an early dinner with the girl (overcooked green beans urghhh but with calamares which I loove) and got into bed early enough to watch FRIENDS on my laptop and catch up with a few friends at home. I slept really well and woke up this morning to take the little girl to school. I went for a walk down to the sea front and had a chocolate croissant for desayuno. <br />
I got a bit lost on the way home but it was nice to explore a bit. Now I'm free until 12.30 when we are going to pick up the girl for lunch.<br />
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I would kind of prefer it if the mum worked. I thought it would be easier as I'm not actually in charge of the children, but I feel like I'm just hovering around a lot of the time. I guess that will get easier as time goes by though.<br />
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My internet died for a bit so I went and sat on the terrace for like 10 minutes and felt myself starting to burn. I love the sun but I wish I didn't have to worry about burning! I'm back in my room now, contemplating a nap before lunch. Such a hard life...<br />
<br />
I hope this weekend away is okay. I have to share a room with the family which is weird. But then I can't complain because they've invited me. I could have stayed at their house but I feel like I have to make extra effort for the first couple of weeks.<br />
<br />
I feel better now I'm back to my more positive self. I have a feeling there will be lots of up and down posts while I'm here. I'm hoping for mostly up though!<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-77856101599196223072013-05-23T13:35:00.002+01:002013-05-23T13:35:57.665+01:00SpainI'm here!<br />
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I arrived yesterday evening and the family picked me up from the airport. It wasn't as awkward as I had imagined and we drove back to their town chatting and getting to know each other. They showed me round the house which is soo nice and I have my own room and bathroom. We went for a walk round the town and had an ice cream, then came home for dinner. I was up at about half 8 this morning and did a bit of school work with the girl and then went in the pool for a bit. I've just had lunch and now I'm free until 5pm.<br />
<br />
All's good so far but I have a feeling 8 weeks is going to seem very long. I think I try to kid myself that I can "do" being abroad and away from home but I don't think I can. There's a bit of me that thinks forget the job in Spain in September and get a job and get on with life. But then I don't want to throw away my opportunity. Maybe it's just because I'm not settled yet, tired and feeling a bit down. I don't know. I just am finding it so tiring being chatty, smiley and enthusiastic. They keep asking if I'm tired because I'm quiet. But when it comes down to it I am quiet. I like my own company and my home comforts. How boring is this making me sound? There's a bit of me that looks at my friends who have a decent job, a nice boyfriend, a flat, a social life... and I want it. I think going abroad is my way of running away from the fact that that's what I want. I try to mold myself into this person that I'm not. I'm not insecure, far from that really. I'm probably one of the only ones in my friendship group that's comfortable with who they are but in my mind sometimes I'm not quite the person I actually am if that makes sense? I'm a home bird. I read blogs and hear my friends talk about incredible times abroad and I love the idea, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not sure if it's "me".<br />
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Maybe I'm just a bit homesick and it'll feel better once I'm more settled? I can't help myself looking at the planes in the sky thinking "that will be me in 58 days. One night down, fifty eight to go.<br />
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How miserable does this make me sound? I should be happy. I'm with a lovely family, in an amazing place. I'm getting paid to do very little work and I can spend my free time tanning on the beach and exploring the town. I can get into Barcelona in 30 minutes and it looks like there's a lot going on. I need to find some friends. If I knew I was going to meet up with some people my age this evening for drinks I think I would be happier. I've been in touch with a couple of au pairs nearby but they live out of the town so seeing them would mean some proper arranging, not just like grabbing a drink at the local bar. Who unleashed the negative side of me that I keep locked away? And why? I should be loving this and making the most of every opportunity. Why am I missing rainy England? I know if I was one of my friends and I was stuck in England I would be SO jealous. I'm going to the Costa Brava this weekend with the family. They're going sailing and windsurfing. I need to stop being moany and just enjoy this for what it is.<br />
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I meet the other girl I'm working with tomorrow. She's a little older and will hopefully speak more English which might make it easier. Hmmm.<br />
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I need to do as Yorkshire folk would say to me and "cheer up chuck"... I'm having a nap now and hoping I wake up in a better mood. I feel like a miserable teenager. What is wrong with me.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-16199702776934036042013-05-21T13:57:00.002+01:002013-05-21T13:57:41.396+01:00TomorrowTomorrow is the day I fly off to Spain and hopefully start my summer of Spanish fun!<br />
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To be honest, right now I'm a bit unexcited (is that a word?) about it. I'm so tired and getting ready feels like a bit of a chore. I wish I was more excited. But then when I talk about it I feel more excited and when I think about getting to the airport... I'm just dreading meeting the family and reallyyyy hope that they're nice!<br />
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I'm spending the day finishing off last bits, updating my ipod, packing and making sure I'm all ready. I can only take 15kg of luggage with me which I'm finding hard! I've pretty much finished packing my room for when my mum moves house as well. I have a horrible feeling my mum will find something when she's moving all my stuff. I don't know what. I don't really have anything top secret in my room and anything even remotely like that is neatly packed away. It just reminds me of a time she found a letter that reallyyyy shouldn't have been seen by her. She didn't say anything, just put it on my bed so I know she'd seen it. Oops.<br />
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I'm leaving about 11am tomorrow, calling at my uni house to pick up the last couple of bits that I couldn't fit in my dads car and then heading to the airport. My flight isn't until 3.15pm but I want to have time to check in without rushing and hopefully a quick lunch with my mum somewhere on the way. Then I have to deal with the flight. I hate it. I just need to remember to breatheeee.<br />
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I'm a bit sad to be going. I went for dinner and a few drinks with a couple of friends last night and it was so nice. One of them I've known since I was about 3, but I don't really remember that far back and moved up north for a bit so lost touch. The other I've known since I moved back to the city when I was about 10. Me, those two and one other girl call ourselves the "spinsters". We're all single and have been for a long time. We joke that we'll all be single for ever and laugh, but then the laughter turns a bit hysterical when we realise that it isn't too out there for it to come true. It'll be us four living in a house with 100 cats when we're OAP's. I know I shouldn't, but I keep having mini panics about the future. I would HATE to get to my mid thirties, still be living at home or in a rubbish little flat, bumming around doing jobs I hate and still single while all my friends get married and have children. In my mind, I want to be in my chosen career (teaching??), have a steady boyfriend/fiance, a house and be thinking about having children by the time I'm 28-30. Will that happen? WILL IT? Please tell me it will. What if it doesn't? What if I'm just that family member who is always alone and never takes a plus one to weddings etc. My friends will try but fail to set me up with their equally desperate friends. My friends will have to take it in turns to have me round for Christmas dinner. I'll holiday alone (this is already starting to happen. Help) and my mum will get sick of me lingering around all the time. I seriously hope this isn't the case, but I should start to prepare myself. I've got 6 years to decide what I want to do, pin down a man, get proposed to and have bought a house. Possible? Probably not with the way things are going. I'm not known for making the best decisions.<br />
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On the subject of bad decisions, I can feel a bad one creeping in. It's to do with a guy (snore) and I really shouldn't like him, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach is there and I don't want to admit it but maybe I do. Why do I always pick the wrong ones? Hopefully as soon as I leave English soil my thoughts will go and I'll forget about him... Or maybe not. Maybe I only like him because I've been single for a while and I'm flattered by the interest? How do some of my friends have it so easy? One lovely boyfriend to the next. I get complication, idiots and losers. Woo. I guess every group of friends has to have the token single one.<br />
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On the plus side, if I did have a boyfriend I wouldn't be able to fly off to spend months in Spain. When I think about it, I don't really want one but when me and my fellow spinsters get together I always walk away thinking OMG I need to sort my life out.<br />
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This time in 24 hours I'll be in the airport. Probably frantically putting on 100's of layers because my suitcase is too heavy and panicking in the corner about the flight. <i>Breathe. </i><br />
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Time to finish packing. I would actually pay someone to come and do it for me right now.<br />
<br />
Kisses<br />
<br />MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-33224078878049811632013-05-18T12:44:00.001+01:002013-05-18T12:44:46.827+01:00Ticking TimeUni life is now totally over. I moved home on Thursday. I feel like I should have been sadder, but as I left it just felt like I was going home for a few weeks or something. I said goodbye to my housemates and drove off down the road with my dad. Three years and a lot of good times later, it's all finished. I think it'll hit me in the summer when I'm home from Spain for a bit. I already don't feel like I can lounge around in bed all day like I did at uni. I have to get up and do stuff.<br />
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I feel like I've got a countdown timer ticking away the time until Spain. I really am looking forward to it, but I wish I had a bit more time. Thursday night my friend stayed over, yesterday I took her to get her tattoo, went shopping, had another friend over for dinner, today I'm sorting things out for moving house/Spain, maybe seeing a friend later, seeing my dad tomorrow, seeing friends and going out Monday, Tuesday will be last minute packing/being hungover and I go Wednesday. I just want a full day of doing nothing :( But I guess I'd rather be doing this and rushing around before going away, than not going away at all.<br />
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I'm in one of those situations, you know where you agree to something and then wish you hadn't? It's like that and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to let the person down, but I don't thinks it's really the best idea... I'm too nice to be mean and back out, but at the same time the thought of doing it makes me so scared. Ahhhh. What to do. It isn't me thinking about backing out of Spain by the way, it's something tonight/tomorrow. And now I'm one of those annoying people who speaks all cryptically. HELP.<br />
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I'm off to have lunch and mull over my options. Why am I so bad with situations like this. It should be simple.<br />
<br />
KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-49482882647375930962013-05-15T12:17:00.001+01:002013-05-15T12:18:29.644+01:00It's overUni is officially over. I'm not sure how to feel about it really. I thought I'd be really happy and excited but I'm actually quite sad about it. I went out last night with my work friends, one of my housemates and her friend. We went for food (I had a chicken burger. I haven't eaten meat since January) then some cocktails and on to this bar which is like our usual Tuesday night place. It was nice. I saw a couple of other course friends and almost got emotional saying goodbye (I never cry, so this is a big thing for me!). I've spent the last 3 years with these people and realistically, I won't ever see a lot of them again. Student life is over. I can't bum around getting student loans, staying in bed all day, having crazy nights out and panic write essays any more. I have to be responsible and go and look after children in Spain and then at some point get a "proper" job.<br />
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I've loved uni life. As much as I've complained about things, I have really loved it. First year, living in halls with crazy people, having flat parties, sleepovers in the living room, really random nights out.. One night we just stayed in and played ring of fire and I ended up with a can of beer poured over my head, ate a whole bag of cheesy Doritos and had to listen to this weird guys creepy baby laugh ringtone. I loved nights out where we ended up somewhere totally random like a girls flat where we let her kitten out and we were running round trying to catch it, drinking champagne, cruising round the city in a girl I'd never met's car and my housemate being sick in her hand. One night we all went out and me and one of my housemates got separated from the others, stalked a stranger and followed him into a 24 hour gym, spoke to some freshers for aaages, I "borrowed" someones crutches and then climbed up a cherry picker/crane. We've had nights where we're driven to the 24 hour krispy kreme shop 20 minutes up the motorway, midnight trips to Asda for hair dye and stayed up eating spaghetti hoops at 4am before an exam the next day. I got a job in second year and met some people I know will be friends for life. We got drunk before work and had to serve sweaty moshers until the early hours of the morning, got so drunk at the work Christmas party and left the club, queued for an hour for a taxi by myself and contemplated being sick in my Santa hat. I went for a night out where I work that ended in me getting so drunk, making a fool of myself in front of all the people I work with and left in tears, walked all the way home at 4am and fell out with my friend from work. I've had to run out of a lecture, after making everyone in the row of seats move to let me out because I've been so hungover and had to run off in the middle of serving a customer to be sick. I am a classy girl.<br />
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I'm moving out of my house tomorrow and that's it. No more uni. I can't believe how fast it's come round. Now that it's over I'm already wishing I'd done more with my time. It's been the best 3 years of my life though.<br />
<br />
York yesterday was a lot of fun. I met up with my best friend who I've known since I was 4. When we're together we revert back to being children and it's so much fun. She gave me my birthday/going away present and I opened it when I got home and it was a box full of loads of little things like some jewellery, hair stuff, make up, snacks, a little journal and a card. I almost cried a bit. And like I said before, I never cry. Emotional day! I got my converse too so it was a good day all round.<br />
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I'm still in bed now. I should get up and finish packing and go and buy some food. But I'm so comfy and it's my last day in a student house so I'm making the most of it!<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-82700851682236789932013-05-13T11:41:00.001+01:002013-05-13T11:42:36.155+01:00I'm free (part 2)So. My first day of being "free" and I'm just sitting in bed. I don't know what to do with myself at all. I feel like I should be doing an essay or at least thinking about it... I just thought I'd have this massive feeling of relief and excitement but I don't. I really, really just want to go home but I've promised I'll stay to go out for a meal tomorrow evening so I can't go home until Wednesday.<br />
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I'm going to York tomorrow though to meet up with my best friend. It's the last time I'll see her until I get back from Spain in August. I wish I actually had money to spend though. I want to buy some converse, so that's £40, the train is £7.50 and then I need to buy lunch etc and then go out for a meal tomorrow night. Expensive day. Plus I currently have £18 in my bank. Hmmm. I <i>really </i>don't want to have to ask my parents for money. I'm 22, I shouldn't still be relying on them. It really annoys me that a lot of my friends say they're all independent etc but still rely on parents to pay their rent or bail them out when they've spent all their money on nights out. If your parents can/want to help then fine, but 1, don't bang on about it all the time and 2, don't pretend that you're an adult and can handle your finances etc when you can't control your spending and have to run back to them at the end of each month. I'm not saying I'm great with money, I'm really not, but I try to make sure the important things are paid and usually the things I can't afford at the end of the month are just the things that I want, don't need. I have a bit of money saved, but I'm hoping I won't have to spend this while I'm in Spain as I'll be getting paid for au pairing. I do need to find the money to buy a graduation dress at some point though. We get our house deposit back at some point over the summer so at least I have that to look forward to.<br />
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I keep imagining the day I go to Spain. I'll be fine until my mum leaves me at the airport and then I'll get nervous. I don't like flying and then when I get off the plane, I'm going to have the awkward hunt around the airport for my host family, then the awkward meeting, then the awkward car journey home, then the awkward evening, then the awkward breakfast the next day... I don't cope well with awkward. At all. When will it become normal? After a day, a week, a month? What if they expect me to speak Spanish? I can't. What if they want me to do things I can't do? What if they're mean to me? There's a little bit of me thinking I should have stayed in England and bummed around for the summer before I move to Spain in September.. But then I guess I'd have been bored, poor and the weather will probably be bad. I'm just hoping it all goes smoothly, I fit in with them well, I meet other young people to hang out with (how do I do this? Hang around other young people and hope they'll talk to me??) and enjoy the summer. One week and 2 days. How fast has that come round? I started my blog not even sure if/when I was going to get an au pair job and now I'm so close to actually going. Crazy!<br />
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I've been offered the chance to go back to Romania in August as well. I'm not sure if my dad will let me go back after last time (can he stop me? I'm 22...) and if it's even a good idea. I might just see how I feel after Spain and think about going out for a week or 2.<br />
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What should I do today? All I <i>need</i> to do is pack my last few bits and finish off cleaning the kitchen. Everyone else still have assignments and exams to do so I'm just floating around on my own. I should go into uni and pay my library fine, but can I be bothered to walk alllll the way in just for that? Probably not. I might just watch loads of films. Actually, I've watched nearly every episode of Teachers, maybe I should watch the last few before I leave uni. My life better get more exciting than this. Last semester was good, lots of going out and excitement. This semester has been full of stress and planning. People reading my blog (if there is anyone? Even just one reader...) must think I am so dull. I might write my Romania post today, add a bit of excitement.<br />
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Hmmm. What to do, what to do.<br />
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Kisses.MHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6734459046173117575.post-51386428669491886132013-05-12T22:29:00.000+01:002013-05-12T22:29:30.761+01:00I'M FINISHEDI'VE FINISHED UNI!<br />
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After getting up at 7.30am after not enough sleep (work, then drunk housemates woke me up...) I got up to go to an event in town to take photos to add to my portfolio website. When I got home I had a final read of my essay, added my pictures to the site and submitted it all. Finished. I thought I'd be more excited than this, but I just don't know what to do with myself. I spent the rest of the day restlessly lounging in bed, packing to move out and cleaning. I'm so ready to go home but I've got to wait until Wednesday. Then I have exactly a week until Spain!<br />
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Insanely tired now though, so that's all for tonight. Cannot wait to go to sleep. Shower, then catch up on The Voice and then bed. Zzzzzzzz.<br />
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KissesMHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13728786273856313140noreply@blogger.com0