4 days

From 23 days, to 3 days and 4 hours 'till France. Someone remind me why I'm doing this? My love of children? NOPE. My lifelong desire to live in France? NOPE. To practice my French skills? NOPE NOPE NOPE.

I currently have a suitcase full of bags of vacuum packed stuff, next to a massive pile of unpacked stuff. I'm going to have to take two suitcases. Crazy bag lady? I'm stressing. I have loads to do before I go and the biggest problem... I don't know if I even want to go. It's a ten months. Nearly a whole year. Do I want to be away for that long? Sure, I'll come home in between, but only for like a few days at a time. I was out in the countryside today thinking how much I love England. So why am I going?

I have a bit of a fear. I know it's a bit stupid, but in my head it's not. When I was in Romania there was an event. Not a good one. We were staying in an apartment and to cut a long story short, one day we angered a neighbour who went CRAZY. I mean like literally knocking the door down crazy. It ended in a fight with chains, a baseball bat and lots of blood (thankfully not any of mine!). Luckily, I was with 5 other girls and we contacted a Romanian friend to call the police for us, but what if it happens again. This time I'll be on my own. I love the idea of having my own place, but I know I'll be on edge for a while.

And my next issue. Once I leave, I don't really have anywhere to come back to. Basically, my brother moved out earlier this year, saying he never planned to live at home again. My mum moved house, somewhere with no spare room for little bro to come back to. Little bro's circumstances changed and he moved home and since I got home from Spain, the living room has been his bedroom. When I leave, he gets my room. All fine, till I want to come home. And then I don't have anywhere to come "home" to. My mum said I'll always have a place here, but I don't count camping out in the living room a place. Sorry if that sounds ungreatful, but really, would you want to sleep in a room that's not really a bedroom, knowing you're stopping everyone else from being able to lounge on the sofa and watch TV etc?

I still need to buy gifts for the family, a birthday present for my niece who turns 5 just after I leave, finish packing, "pack" my room so my little brother can move into it, see my friends and mentally prepare myself. Last night I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating too fast and I was over thinking this whole situation way too much. Is that a sign that it's a mistake? It's too late to back out now. 4 more sleeps.

Grumpy grumps.

Kisses

All Change

So it's been over a month since I last wrote.

A summary of those weeks: The children cried when I left Spain (does that mean they actually liked me?), I nearly missed my flight, I came home to a new house and new people, I got involved with something (or should I say someone) I shouldn't have, I had a few very drunken, very shameful nights out, one of which included a 3am phonecall to my little brother to come out and pay the taxi while I lay on the drive and my friend.. was being sick in the bin, I drank far too much of the Spanish spirits I brought home which resulted in the shameful nights, befriended a homeless man, got a kidney infection againnnn, got a job, turned it down and the main thing...

I've accepted a job in Paris. Working as an au pair. After saying I'd never do it again.

WHAT AM I DOING?

Good news is that this time I get my own apartment. Bad news is that I'll have 3 children to look after.

I can't speak any French. Literally, bonjour is as far as it goes.

So I'm off to France. My Eurostar is booked for the 30th August, so 23 days. It was such an impulsive decision. One minute I was thinking about getting a "proper" job and moving out of home and the next I was booking a train to France.

Fingers crossed it works out a bit better this time.

Do I start a new blog? Rename this one? What?

Kisses

Ups, downs and english food

This time yesterday I was writing a post about being sure I wanted to go home. Right now, I'm excited about going out for drinks tonight and a weekend of being pretty much home alone as the family are going away.

I spent my morning drinking Koppaberg on the beach with another au pair I met and this afternoon in the pool with the older girl. I'm planning on going to the newly discovered English shop to buy beans and pesto (FINALLY something with flavor!) and probably everything else in the shop. Chocolate, crisps, coke... So much for healthy eating... Would it be sad to buy a couple of Estrella cans to drink before I go out? I know I'm alone but yummy dinner on the terrace with a cold beer sounds too good.

So today things are good. Apart from the sun burnt shoulders and forehead.. But I'll forget about that. I'll forget even more when I've filled up on some much needed alcohol.

It's Gay Pride here this weekend too and there's loads going on. There's a massive stage set up on the sea front and tomorrow there's a parade in the afternoon. Excited!

Five weeks tomorrow until home time. On Sunday I can say 4 weeks on 6 days. I can cope with that. I think.

I need to think about what I'll do when I get home. Am I going to do a TEFL course and go away? Or just get a job and hang around in England? I have no idea. How am I supposed to figure it out?

Writing about food has made me hungry. I might have to go to the shop over the road first, I might be able to get Spanish versions of beans and pesto there instead of paying extra for English brands. Is 5pm too early to have my tea? In England, not so much. In Spain, definitely yes. I have a horrible crazing for a kebab with loads of garlic mayo. YUM. Just the little issue of being a vegetarian. Do Spanish people go for post night out takeaways? I could so eat a pizza...

Kisses