From 23 days, to 3 days and 4 hours 'till France. Someone remind me why I'm doing this? My love of children? NOPE. My lifelong desire to live in France? NOPE. To practice my French skills? NOPE NOPE NOPE.
I currently have a suitcase full of bags of vacuum packed stuff, next to a massive pile of unpacked stuff. I'm going to have to take two suitcases. Crazy bag lady? I'm stressing. I have loads to do before I go and the biggest problem... I don't know if I even want to go. It's a ten months. Nearly a whole year. Do I want to be away for that long? Sure, I'll come home in between, but only for like a few days at a time. I was out in the countryside today thinking how much I love England. So why am I going?
I have a bit of a fear. I know it's a bit stupid, but in my head it's not. When I was in Romania there was an event. Not a good one. We were staying in an apartment and to cut a long story short, one day we angered a neighbour who went CRAZY. I mean like literally knocking the door down crazy. It ended in a fight with chains, a baseball bat and lots of blood (thankfully not any of mine!). Luckily, I was with 5 other girls and we contacted a Romanian friend to call the police for us, but what if it happens again. This time I'll be on my own. I love the idea of having my own place, but I know I'll be on edge for a while.
And my next issue. Once I leave, I don't really have anywhere to come back to. Basically, my brother moved out earlier this year, saying he never planned to live at home again. My mum moved house, somewhere with no spare room for little bro to come back to. Little bro's circumstances changed and he moved home and since I got home from Spain, the living room has been his bedroom. When I leave, he gets my room. All fine, till I want to come home. And then I don't have anywhere to come "home" to. My mum said I'll always have a place here, but I don't count camping out in the living room a place. Sorry if that sounds ungreatful, but really, would you want to sleep in a room that's not really a bedroom, knowing you're stopping everyone else from being able to lounge on the sofa and watch TV etc?
I still need to buy gifts for the family, a birthday present for my niece who turns 5 just after I leave, finish packing, "pack" my room so my little brother can move into it, see my friends and mentally prepare myself. Last night I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating too fast and I was over thinking this whole situation way too much. Is that a sign that it's a mistake? It's too late to back out now. 4 more sleeps.
Grumpy grumps.
Kisses
Showing posts with label Au Pair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Au Pair. Show all posts
Monday, 26 August 2013
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
All Change
So it's been over a month since I last wrote.
A summary of those weeks: The children cried when I left Spain (does that mean they actually liked me?), I nearly missed my flight, I came home to a new house and new people, I got involved with something (or should I say someone) I shouldn't have, I had a few very drunken, very shameful nights out, one of which included a 3am phonecall to my little brother to come out and pay the taxi while I lay on the drive and my friend.. was being sick in the bin, I drank far too much of the Spanish spirits I brought home which resulted in the shameful nights, befriended a homeless man, got a kidney infection againnnn, got a job, turned it down and the main thing...
I've accepted a job in Paris. Working as an au pair. After saying I'd never do it again.
WHAT AM I DOING?
Good news is that this time I get my own apartment. Bad news is that I'll have 3 children to look after.
I can't speak any French. Literally, bonjour is as far as it goes.
So I'm off to France. My Eurostar is booked for the 30th August, so 23 days. It was such an impulsive decision. One minute I was thinking about getting a "proper" job and moving out of home and the next I was booking a train to France.
Fingers crossed it works out a bit better this time.
Do I start a new blog? Rename this one? What?
Kisses
A summary of those weeks: The children cried when I left Spain (does that mean they actually liked me?), I nearly missed my flight, I came home to a new house and new people, I got involved with something (or should I say someone) I shouldn't have, I had a few very drunken, very shameful nights out, one of which included a 3am phonecall to my little brother to come out and pay the taxi while I lay on the drive and my friend.. was being sick in the bin, I drank far too much of the Spanish spirits I brought home which resulted in the shameful nights, befriended a homeless man, got a kidney infection againnnn, got a job, turned it down and the main thing...
I've accepted a job in Paris. Working as an au pair. After saying I'd never do it again.
WHAT AM I DOING?
Good news is that this time I get my own apartment. Bad news is that I'll have 3 children to look after.
I can't speak any French. Literally, bonjour is as far as it goes.
So I'm off to France. My Eurostar is booked for the 30th August, so 23 days. It was such an impulsive decision. One minute I was thinking about getting a "proper" job and moving out of home and the next I was booking a train to France.
Fingers crossed it works out a bit better this time.
Do I start a new blog? Rename this one? What?
Kisses
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
I'm so hungry!
For some reason there's been no bread for the past few days. And now it's hotter, the fruit is all warm and mushy. So I've had to have a mushy pear for breakfast every day and now I'm starving! It's 2.15pm and they're still happily swimming round the pool. FEED ME.
I can't even go out and buy food because they've just announced that as well as looking after the children alllll morning I also have to do English with the older girl all afternoon. I want to go and buy nice food, fro-yo, pick'n'mix and take some photos. But no. Grumpy children it is.
I don't know if I'll have time to do anything. As well as the above, I want to buy some alcohol, print off my boarding pass and have another beach trip but by the sounds of it I'm working pretty much all of the last 2 and a half days I'm here.
Get me home.
Kisses
I can't even go out and buy food because they've just announced that as well as looking after the children alllll morning I also have to do English with the older girl all afternoon. I want to go and buy nice food, fro-yo, pick'n'mix and take some photos. But no. Grumpy children it is.
I don't know if I'll have time to do anything. As well as the above, I want to buy some alcohol, print off my boarding pass and have another beach trip but by the sounds of it I'm working pretty much all of the last 2 and a half days I'm here.
Get me home.
Kisses
Sunday, 9 June 2013
Party Wear
The children have just left to go to a party on the beach and oh my god, their dresses were "grown up" to put it nicely. They were really nice... but more appropriate for an 18 year old going clubbing. Super short, halterneck and seriously low cut. Maybe I'm just being a bit prudish or maybe English styles are different but it's not what I would choose to put children in. But hey, it's not my place to judge.
Is it normal for children to cry a million times a day? This morning it was because the little one had bubble gum and the older one couldn't have any because she has a brace. Stomp stomp, shout shout. I'm sure there wasn't this much drama in my house when me and my brothers were younger.
It is now officially less than 6 weeks until I go home. 40 days. Can I do it? I flip between being like this is easyyy to thinking I want to go home tomorrow. But I actually cant, even if I wanted to because my brother is using my room at home while I'm away so I have to stay. The countdown timer on my phone is ticking away nicely. Slowly... but it's going down. I keep looking at planes and thinking how excited I'll be when it's finally my time to go hooooome. I think if I had more of a social like I wouldn't miss it so much, but because my life here revolves around walking around aimlessly and looking after children it makes me miss my social life at home.
I should be enjoying this. Hardly any responsibilities and loads of time to sit in the sun. I do like it, but it gets a bit lonely. Where are all the other au pairs? People here are LOADED, surely there must be more people with au pairs?!
Kisses
Is it normal for children to cry a million times a day? This morning it was because the little one had bubble gum and the older one couldn't have any because she has a brace. Stomp stomp, shout shout. I'm sure there wasn't this much drama in my house when me and my brothers were younger.
It is now officially less than 6 weeks until I go home. 40 days. Can I do it? I flip between being like this is easyyy to thinking I want to go home tomorrow. But I actually cant, even if I wanted to because my brother is using my room at home while I'm away so I have to stay. The countdown timer on my phone is ticking away nicely. Slowly... but it's going down. I keep looking at planes and thinking how excited I'll be when it's finally my time to go hooooome. I think if I had more of a social like I wouldn't miss it so much, but because my life here revolves around walking around aimlessly and looking after children it makes me miss my social life at home.
I should be enjoying this. Hardly any responsibilities and loads of time to sit in the sun. I do like it, but it gets a bit lonely. Where are all the other au pairs? People here are LOADED, surely there must be more people with au pairs?!
Kisses
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Sunshine
The weather is so good! Around 23 degrees so not too hot and not a cloud in the sky :)
I've not had much to write about this week. It's not been bad, just a bit uneventful. Monday was the usual walk before picking up the girls for lunch, afternoon wandering in the town, evening English time with the older girl in the pool. Tuesday, I had the afternoon free so went to the beach and yesterday we went to a nearby city to some retail event thing. It was loads of different designer brands and they all had pop up shops in this old industrial area. Bit weird and a bit boring. I bought a dress, top and necklace but apart from that it was a bit dull. Last night I went in the pool for more English time with the older girl and just relaxed this morning and went to the beach this afternoon.
As I was walking to the school at lunch time this guy shouted "Que tal?" after me in the street and walked after me. I stopped and had a chat in English. He was pretty decent looking. I couldn't tell if he was flirting or just wanted a chat. He was asking if I lived here now (does that mean he's seen me walk past where he works? I go that way nearly every day...) how old I was (said goood, when I said 22) and said "see you" when I left. Hmm. Maybe it's just the lack of male attention or maybe he was a bit interested. I don't know. I'll be taking a walk that way again soon.
Still so up and down about the Barcelona job. Really don't know what to do. Another guy replied to my message about it and said around 30 people got sent home in the first month last year for going out too much. WHAT?! I don't want to go out everyday, but a couple of times a week isn't unreasonable is it?
Ohhhh I don't know. I need someone to make the decision for me. It's too hard.
43 days until home time. 11 days until my uncle gets here for 4 days. 32 days until my friend gets to Spain.
Another au pair that messaged me arrives on Monday so hopefully I'll be meeting up with her next week. I just want some social events to keep me occupied and I'm sure I'll be fine.
Oh, and the dad announced yesterday they might be going to their house in the Pyrenees a week on Saturday where they walk. FOR 6 HOURS. I like a nice stroll, but hiking for half a day? No thanks. For a start, the most sensible shoes I have are converse and they're hardly hiking material... Already thinking of a way to get out of going.
I thought I was tanning, but apparently I am red. I don't think I'm burnt, I just have naturally quite a red skin tone. Lovely.
Kisses
I've not had much to write about this week. It's not been bad, just a bit uneventful. Monday was the usual walk before picking up the girls for lunch, afternoon wandering in the town, evening English time with the older girl in the pool. Tuesday, I had the afternoon free so went to the beach and yesterday we went to a nearby city to some retail event thing. It was loads of different designer brands and they all had pop up shops in this old industrial area. Bit weird and a bit boring. I bought a dress, top and necklace but apart from that it was a bit dull. Last night I went in the pool for more English time with the older girl and just relaxed this morning and went to the beach this afternoon.
As I was walking to the school at lunch time this guy shouted "Que tal?" after me in the street and walked after me. I stopped and had a chat in English. He was pretty decent looking. I couldn't tell if he was flirting or just wanted a chat. He was asking if I lived here now (does that mean he's seen me walk past where he works? I go that way nearly every day...) how old I was (said goood, when I said 22) and said "see you" when I left. Hmm. Maybe it's just the lack of male attention or maybe he was a bit interested. I don't know. I'll be taking a walk that way again soon.
Still so up and down about the Barcelona job. Really don't know what to do. Another guy replied to my message about it and said around 30 people got sent home in the first month last year for going out too much. WHAT?! I don't want to go out everyday, but a couple of times a week isn't unreasonable is it?
Ohhhh I don't know. I need someone to make the decision for me. It's too hard.
43 days until home time. 11 days until my uncle gets here for 4 days. 32 days until my friend gets to Spain.
Another au pair that messaged me arrives on Monday so hopefully I'll be meeting up with her next week. I just want some social events to keep me occupied and I'm sure I'll be fine.
Oh, and the dad announced yesterday they might be going to their house in the Pyrenees a week on Saturday where they walk. FOR 6 HOURS. I like a nice stroll, but hiking for half a day? No thanks. For a start, the most sensible shoes I have are converse and they're hardly hiking material... Already thinking of a way to get out of going.
I thought I was tanning, but apparently I am red. I don't think I'm burnt, I just have naturally quite a red skin tone. Lovely.
Kisses
Sunday, 2 June 2013
Yesterday
Yesterday was probably the best day I've had so far. I got up, chilled for a bit and then we took the girls to paint flowers to put on the gates of the city hall for the Corpus Christi fesival. That bit was a bit boring, I kept watching all these children bumbling around with paint brushes and all I could think was I'm wearing a white dress.. they better not come near me. I escaped unpainted and we went to the beach. The family I work for are members of the nautical club so I can use the changing rooms, showers, bar etc right on the beach. To be honest, I'd be pretty happy just roughing it and using the normal beach but I can't complain. So we had a couple of hours on the beach, most of the time I spent sunbathing but then went in the sea for a bit with the older girl. We came home and had a late lunch, shower and a nap and then went out to watch this weird parade with some giants. Never seen anything like it and I actually thought it was pretty creepy :/ but the children enjoyed it. We hung around on the street for aaages with the family and some of their friends, before going to a Southern California style restaurant. The menu was written in English and I liked the fact I could be independent in choosing my food. It gets a bit tiring having to have everything explained to me all the time. The meal went on for aaages and the children were all running round and being loud. I know kids do that, but I'm sure I was never quite that bad when I was little. We walked around the town a bit after. By this point I was SO tired and ready for bed but followed them round like a sheep for a bit. Literally crawled into bed when I got home and slept until 9.30 this morning (apart from waking up when the kids got up to go and put flowers on the street. This family is insanely loud).
No one was in when I woke up so I just had breakfast and went for a walk to see the flowers. I thought I'd see the family while I was out but didn't. I never really know what I'm supposed to do. Are my weekends free? Do they think I'm lazy when I don't get involved in stuff? I wish they had given me more information about what I actually have to do. I really don't feel like I DO anything. I just kind of follow them round occasionally speaking a bit of English. The only think I do that feels like I'm doing something is picking the girls up for lunch, dropping them back at school and the two evenings a week that I take the older girl out on my own. Is that enough? They pay me a decent about and really I only work about 8 hours a week...
I'm enjoying it here and hopefully meeting up with 2 other au pairs this afternoon. That didn't stop me from installing a countdown app on my phone. 47 days, 21 hours, 16 minutes and 8 seconds. 6 weeks and 6 days. I can do this!
Kisses
No one was in when I woke up so I just had breakfast and went for a walk to see the flowers. I thought I'd see the family while I was out but didn't. I never really know what I'm supposed to do. Are my weekends free? Do they think I'm lazy when I don't get involved in stuff? I wish they had given me more information about what I actually have to do. I really don't feel like I DO anything. I just kind of follow them round occasionally speaking a bit of English. The only think I do that feels like I'm doing something is picking the girls up for lunch, dropping them back at school and the two evenings a week that I take the older girl out on my own. Is that enough? They pay me a decent about and really I only work about 8 hours a week...
I'm enjoying it here and hopefully meeting up with 2 other au pairs this afternoon. That didn't stop me from installing a countdown app on my phone. 47 days, 21 hours, 16 minutes and 8 seconds. 6 weeks and 6 days. I can do this!
Kisses
Friday, 31 May 2013
Decisions Decisions
I emailed the people I will be working for in Spain asking if it is okay to book my flights in July. I was going to do this so I could wait and see where I was being placed before I made a decision, but apparently they can't tell me until my flight is booked. So now I don't know what to do. I'm so up and down. On the one hand, being in Barcelona, living in a different country, learning Spanish and being with a good friend of mine who is also moving there in September sounds so good... But at the same time having to live with a host family, barely earning any money, working long days and missing home puts me off. I don't want to turn it down and end up regretting it, but then I don't want to waste my money on flights etc if I'm not sure. I spoke to my dad last night and he said go for it, get the experience and enjoy time abroad. I don't know. Yesterday I was quite sure I'd do it, today, not so much.
I'm bored today. It's grey outside so I don't really want to go out so I've been sat browsing the internet for ages. I think the family think that I am really boring, but what else should I be doing? I don't want to wander round in bad weather, I only have 2 hours until I collect the children so that means I can't go anywhere too far away and I have no friends yet to meet up with. How much of a loser does that make me sound? I'm hopefully meeting up with another au pair and some other people on Sunday though. I just hope they're nice and lead me to actually having a bit of a social life here! I don't think I'm really cut out to be an au pair. I don't have enough interest in the children. The little one annoys me. They're so whiny and literally cry about 10 times a day.
One more day until I can say I go home next month. I know it doesn't make much difference but it makes me feel better. It's not that I miss home so much, it's just that I miss social interaction and knowing things. I wander round in a little bubble, occasionally understanding a little bit of Spanish here and there. It gets tiring having to make so much effort with conversations and making sure I speak really clearly. I'm so lucky to have got a good family and to be living in a beautiful place but a little bit of me would love to be getting on a plane home in a couple of days. This is also what worries me about the job in September. I like my home comforts, I'm a home bird. Why am I finding it so hard to make a decision?! Until last weekend I was sorted, I knew I wanted to do it, I was excited... Now I'm a bit like... Nothing. Maybe I need to just book my flights and get it over with. I might have a look now and just go for it.. but then maybe I should wait a bit. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I got an email the other day telling me my dissertation results would be up by next Friday. SCARY. I really, really hope I did okay. I tried hard with it, I'll be so disappointed if I don't get a good mark. I don't know when my other marks will come. It's such a weird feeling just waiting. Someone out there will probably know how I've done.
I've been here a week and 2 days. Why do I already want to go home? This is what I mean about trying to make myself be the kind of person who loves travelling etc when really, I just like my home comforts and familiarity. But when I get home, it won't be my home. My mum's moving so I'll be in a new house. How strange. At least my room is nice and in the attic so away from everyone.
I always thought I'd know what I want to do with my life but right now I'm a bit like... I'm an "adult" now, I need to make decisions but I have no idea what I want to do. None. Help me.
Kisses
p.s. yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the beach and this couple sat down next to me and practically started doing it. Gross. I had to get up and move. It wasn't even a quiet bit of the beach. Plus it reminded me just how single I am. Lovely.
I'm bored today. It's grey outside so I don't really want to go out so I've been sat browsing the internet for ages. I think the family think that I am really boring, but what else should I be doing? I don't want to wander round in bad weather, I only have 2 hours until I collect the children so that means I can't go anywhere too far away and I have no friends yet to meet up with. How much of a loser does that make me sound? I'm hopefully meeting up with another au pair and some other people on Sunday though. I just hope they're nice and lead me to actually having a bit of a social life here! I don't think I'm really cut out to be an au pair. I don't have enough interest in the children. The little one annoys me. They're so whiny and literally cry about 10 times a day.
One more day until I can say I go home next month. I know it doesn't make much difference but it makes me feel better. It's not that I miss home so much, it's just that I miss social interaction and knowing things. I wander round in a little bubble, occasionally understanding a little bit of Spanish here and there. It gets tiring having to make so much effort with conversations and making sure I speak really clearly. I'm so lucky to have got a good family and to be living in a beautiful place but a little bit of me would love to be getting on a plane home in a couple of days. This is also what worries me about the job in September. I like my home comforts, I'm a home bird. Why am I finding it so hard to make a decision?! Until last weekend I was sorted, I knew I wanted to do it, I was excited... Now I'm a bit like... Nothing. Maybe I need to just book my flights and get it over with. I might have a look now and just go for it.. but then maybe I should wait a bit. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I got an email the other day telling me my dissertation results would be up by next Friday. SCARY. I really, really hope I did okay. I tried hard with it, I'll be so disappointed if I don't get a good mark. I don't know when my other marks will come. It's such a weird feeling just waiting. Someone out there will probably know how I've done.
I've been here a week and 2 days. Why do I already want to go home? This is what I mean about trying to make myself be the kind of person who loves travelling etc when really, I just like my home comforts and familiarity. But when I get home, it won't be my home. My mum's moving so I'll be in a new house. How strange. At least my room is nice and in the attic so away from everyone.
I always thought I'd know what I want to do with my life but right now I'm a bit like... I'm an "adult" now, I need to make decisions but I have no idea what I want to do. None. Help me.
Kisses
p.s. yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the beach and this couple sat down next to me and practically started doing it. Gross. I had to get up and move. It wasn't even a quiet bit of the beach. Plus it reminded me just how single I am. Lovely.
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Sun
I've just been sat on the terrace reading and had to come inside because it was TOO HOT! How good does that sound? After what felt like the longest winter, having some good weather has really cheered me up! I was sitting up there thinking "I'm glad I'm alone" as my sunglasses slipped down my sweaty nose. Sweaty sweaty. I still have the stupid heat rash though. I'm sat with a water bottle tucked under my chin to try and get rid of it. Gross.
The girls have their swimming lesson again today, so I'm hoping that means I'm free again once they go back to school at 3pm. I might try and get to the beach for a bit. Sunbathing tiiiime. If I don't go back to England with a tan I will class this trip as a failure. I NEED a tan. I want to look good for graduation. Thinking of graduation, I need a dress. I keep looking in the shop windows in the town and they have some nice things, but I checked out the price of one dress and it was over 250 euros. I don't have that kind of money! I can sense a panicked shopping trip on my way home from the airport. 3 days before graduation, is that cutting it a bit fine?
Last night, I'd been doing some English with the older girl and we were making necklaces with some shells we got on the beach and the mum came in, asked the girl something then went mental at her. I thought maybe she was angry we were doing crafty stuff so quickly tidied up while the girl screamed and cried. It went on for about 5 minutes and I just sat there like... Whaaat? Turns out the girl had left some important work at school so couldn't revise for a test. Bit of an overreaction by the mum I thought, but hey, it's not my place to judge.
As if it's Thursday already! I've now been here over a week. 7 and a half weeks to go... A long time? I hope not. I forgot there was markets in the town today but now I don't have time to go before I pick up the children at 1. Next week maybe. This weekend there is some kind of festival in the town. Corpus Christi or something. Apparently they make like giant rugs of flower petals. Someone said something about having to get up at 7am on Sunday for the children to prepare their rug. I hope I'm not included in this. I should get weekends off, but I don't want to presume. I work so little, I feel like I should still make an effort at the weekend, but really, all I want to do is go and lay on the beach all day. I joined some meet up group on the internet and they're having a picnic on the beach on Sunday, should I go? I hope they're not all older than me. I'm really craving some young people company.
I got my start date for the Barcelona job. 27th September. Do I do it? I really can't decide. I want to find out where they are placing me before I commit to it, but I'm not sure when that will be. My friend is moving to Barcelona too so I'm sure I'd have fun, it's just the money that I'm worried about the most. It's not like I have super rich parents to scrounge from or a bank full of savings. Hmmm.
I'm so hungry. I'm trying to be healthy. I would love to go back to England and people be like wooow have you seen how great she looks, all tanned and thin! I had a pear and a kiwi for breakfast, then its some kind of weird combination of veg and tuna for lunch. I only need to wait another hour and a half until I have lunch. Must not eat. So hungry thought! I'll probably pass out on the way to pick up the children.
They have another 3 weeks of school before they start their summer hollidays. I'm dreading it. I like the peace and quiet in the house. Plus I'll have to work more. Blahhh. I want to ask more about how much I have to work in the holidays and at weekends but I don't know how. Guess I'll have to wait and see.
I might nap until it's time to get the children. Try and forget about the hunger.
Kisses
The girls have their swimming lesson again today, so I'm hoping that means I'm free again once they go back to school at 3pm. I might try and get to the beach for a bit. Sunbathing tiiiime. If I don't go back to England with a tan I will class this trip as a failure. I NEED a tan. I want to look good for graduation. Thinking of graduation, I need a dress. I keep looking in the shop windows in the town and they have some nice things, but I checked out the price of one dress and it was over 250 euros. I don't have that kind of money! I can sense a panicked shopping trip on my way home from the airport. 3 days before graduation, is that cutting it a bit fine?
Last night, I'd been doing some English with the older girl and we were making necklaces with some shells we got on the beach and the mum came in, asked the girl something then went mental at her. I thought maybe she was angry we were doing crafty stuff so quickly tidied up while the girl screamed and cried. It went on for about 5 minutes and I just sat there like... Whaaat? Turns out the girl had left some important work at school so couldn't revise for a test. Bit of an overreaction by the mum I thought, but hey, it's not my place to judge.
As if it's Thursday already! I've now been here over a week. 7 and a half weeks to go... A long time? I hope not. I forgot there was markets in the town today but now I don't have time to go before I pick up the children at 1. Next week maybe. This weekend there is some kind of festival in the town. Corpus Christi or something. Apparently they make like giant rugs of flower petals. Someone said something about having to get up at 7am on Sunday for the children to prepare their rug. I hope I'm not included in this. I should get weekends off, but I don't want to presume. I work so little, I feel like I should still make an effort at the weekend, but really, all I want to do is go and lay on the beach all day. I joined some meet up group on the internet and they're having a picnic on the beach on Sunday, should I go? I hope they're not all older than me. I'm really craving some young people company.
I got my start date for the Barcelona job. 27th September. Do I do it? I really can't decide. I want to find out where they are placing me before I commit to it, but I'm not sure when that will be. My friend is moving to Barcelona too so I'm sure I'd have fun, it's just the money that I'm worried about the most. It's not like I have super rich parents to scrounge from or a bank full of savings. Hmmm.
I'm so hungry. I'm trying to be healthy. I would love to go back to England and people be like wooow have you seen how great she looks, all tanned and thin! I had a pear and a kiwi for breakfast, then its some kind of weird combination of veg and tuna for lunch. I only need to wait another hour and a half until I have lunch. Must not eat. So hungry thought! I'll probably pass out on the way to pick up the children.
They have another 3 weeks of school before they start their summer hollidays. I'm dreading it. I like the peace and quiet in the house. Plus I'll have to work more. Blahhh. I want to ask more about how much I have to work in the holidays and at weekends but I don't know how. Guess I'll have to wait and see.
I might nap until it's time to get the children. Try and forget about the hunger.
Kisses
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Me and Children Do Not Mix
Deciding to work with children would make you think I like them, right? Wrong. I have no patience with them. They wind me up, they're so clumsy, noisy, messy... Throw into the mix the inability to speak English and dealing with a 5 year old is not fun. Older children aren't so bad, but I can only pretend to be interested in what they're doing for so long. Then I start to zone out and daydream.
I have a beautiful little niece who is 4. I don't know if it's because she's family or because she's very well behaved but she is the only child I can cope with for long periods of time. Even then I am usually relieved when my brother comes to pick her up after a long day. I used to love children. Now not so much.
Today is another day of wondering why I'm here. The weather isn't great and I just wandered around this morning before picking the children up for lunch. It was the first day of me looking after them alone. It went ok, but I was glad to to drop them back off at school. I'm now free until 6.30/7pm as they have a swimming lesson after school and I learnt after last time I am better off not going. Not sure what to do with myself, is it bad to just sit and watch Eastenders? If it was sunny I'd go to the beach or in the pool but it's grey and windy.
I'm so up in the air with everything. Decisions decisions. I've contacted a few people doing the teaching programme I should be doing in September through Facebook (hello creepy stalker) so just waiting for them to reply. I don't want to rush into deciding anything. I've also contacted a copywriting business at home to see about arranging some work experience (super proactive) so I'll see what turns up. I'll finish my 8 weeks here, go home and see what occurs. I really want to see my friends, I haven't seen many since Easter so it'll be good to see them when I'm back in July. 3 more days until I can say "I go home next month". Why do I do this? I count down time and wish my life away far too much. I need to relax and enjoy now rather than think about whats next.
I need some sun. Then I'll be content spending my free time on the beach. Until then, bed and Eastenders it is.
Kisses
I have a beautiful little niece who is 4. I don't know if it's because she's family or because she's very well behaved but she is the only child I can cope with for long periods of time. Even then I am usually relieved when my brother comes to pick her up after a long day. I used to love children. Now not so much.
Today is another day of wondering why I'm here. The weather isn't great and I just wandered around this morning before picking the children up for lunch. It was the first day of me looking after them alone. It went ok, but I was glad to to drop them back off at school. I'm now free until 6.30/7pm as they have a swimming lesson after school and I learnt after last time I am better off not going. Not sure what to do with myself, is it bad to just sit and watch Eastenders? If it was sunny I'd go to the beach or in the pool but it's grey and windy.
I'm so up in the air with everything. Decisions decisions. I've contacted a few people doing the teaching programme I should be doing in September through Facebook (hello creepy stalker) so just waiting for them to reply. I don't want to rush into deciding anything. I've also contacted a copywriting business at home to see about arranging some work experience (super proactive) so I'll see what turns up. I'll finish my 8 weeks here, go home and see what occurs. I really want to see my friends, I haven't seen many since Easter so it'll be good to see them when I'm back in July. 3 more days until I can say "I go home next month". Why do I do this? I count down time and wish my life away far too much. I need to relax and enjoy now rather than think about whats next.
I need some sun. Then I'll be content spending my free time on the beach. Until then, bed and Eastenders it is.
Kisses
Monday, 27 May 2013
General Life Musings
I went for a walk this morning and sat on one of the jetty things that goes out to sea, listening to music for nearly an hour. It was so peaceful and relaxing and I really had time to think about things. I'm slowly going off the idea of spending a year in Barcelona. It makes me feel sad that I was so excited about it and now I'm going the opposite way, but there is part of me that just wants to get back to England, figure out what it is that I want to do and get a job. I want to have a car and move out of my mum's and be able to do nice things, which I couldn't do while living in Spain with a host family, earning 40 euros a week. I know I won't go straight in to earning big money or anything, but it's more just that I want to get on with life. Deep down I know that what I want is a nice group of friends (which I already have but are now spread across the UK), a job that I enjoy, a little car to get about in and a nice, steady boyfriend. I sound so boring! But then I can't help what I am... I still want to do fun things, see new places etc and I still can, even when I'm working 9-5. I don't know. I'm so indecisive. I'll probably have changed my mind again by next week. I'm going to use my free time to research my options and see what emerges. There's not too much of a rush and I don't have to commit to anything yet.
My first "normal" day of au pairing went well today. I went for a walk and sat by the sea, stopped at a cafe for a drink, caught up on things on my laptop and spent time with the children. I took the older girl to the beach and I was supposed to be helping her practice her English but I'm not sure if we actually did much of that. More just making patterns in the sand, paddling and running around. I had fun though.
Before I came here I thought I'd want to meet people and go for nights out etc, but I'm pretty content just hanging around, having early nights and enjoying the peace and relaxation (seriously, where did the old me go?!). After the last year of uni and all the work I've done it feels so good to just stop and chill out for a bit. I'm trying to be extra healthy, lots of exercise, eating well, no alcohol... I'd love to go back to England tanned, fit and super healthy. I want to join a gym when I get home and really get into looking after myself. But I'll have to see. I seem to say a lot of things at the moment and not follow them through.
I realise my blog isn't really that exiting. It's not funny, full of crazy stories or lots of advice, but I guess one day it will help me to read it back and maybe anyone else in a similar position. I sound like such a loser, reflecting on life and planning the future, but being here alone is really making me think.
I'm having fun here though. 8 weeks doesn't seem too long anymore and I really like the family I'm working for. For anyone reading this who's thinking about au pairing - do it! Make sure you have a good family and go for it.
I'm off to watch Peter Andre: My Life now. How exciting am I?
Kisses
My first "normal" day of au pairing went well today. I went for a walk and sat by the sea, stopped at a cafe for a drink, caught up on things on my laptop and spent time with the children. I took the older girl to the beach and I was supposed to be helping her practice her English but I'm not sure if we actually did much of that. More just making patterns in the sand, paddling and running around. I had fun though.
Before I came here I thought I'd want to meet people and go for nights out etc, but I'm pretty content just hanging around, having early nights and enjoying the peace and relaxation (seriously, where did the old me go?!). After the last year of uni and all the work I've done it feels so good to just stop and chill out for a bit. I'm trying to be extra healthy, lots of exercise, eating well, no alcohol... I'd love to go back to England tanned, fit and super healthy. I want to join a gym when I get home and really get into looking after myself. But I'll have to see. I seem to say a lot of things at the moment and not follow them through.
I realise my blog isn't really that exiting. It's not funny, full of crazy stories or lots of advice, but I guess one day it will help me to read it back and maybe anyone else in a similar position. I sound like such a loser, reflecting on life and planning the future, but being here alone is really making me think.
I'm having fun here though. 8 weeks doesn't seem too long anymore and I really like the family I'm working for. For anyone reading this who's thinking about au pairing - do it! Make sure you have a good family and go for it.
I'm off to watch Peter Andre: My Life now. How exciting am I?
Kisses
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Weekend Away and Life Planning
My weekend in the Costa Brava was not what I expected. I naively had imagined a nice villa, sailing on a bit yacht while lounging in the sun and a long, luxurious meal served on a terrace by the sea... Instead we were staying at what I guess was like an outdoor pursuit center. Loads of children on a school trip, school dinner type food in a canteen and sailing was lots of people squashed into an unsteady looking boat. But overall it was alright.
On Saturday we arrived, had lunch, dumped our bags and headed off for "sailing". By this time it was FREEZING so I decided to stay on the shore and went with my host mum, her friend and the 2 youngest children. I had a hot chocolate (in Spain?! In May?!) and shivered away until they got back to shore. It chucked it down. And I mean REALLY chucked it down. It was like a monsoon. The children were grumpy, I was cold and one of the girls stood on my new, white converse with her sandy/muddy shoes :( We went to a bar for a drink and between 6 noisy children and 5 adults only speaking in Spanish I wondered why I was doing this. I could be at home doing nothing, choosing to do what I want, when I want and not having children around me 24/7. We went back to the place we were staying, showered and headed down for dinner (no vegetarian alternative so I ended up with greasy chips and a bit of salad...) before the adults cracked open the wine. They kept offering me more and for a moment I was tempted to down a bottle and get really drunk. But that would make me a bad au pair so refrained. One of the other dads got me a gin and tonic though and it was SO strong. After that I decided no more alcohol because I would definitely have got drunk. Before dinner, the English guy who is married to (or just "with") one of the family's friends arrived and we had an awkward conversation. He's lived in Spain 7 years and still can't speak the language. Crazy! Because we were both English we were basically left to make awkward conversation all night. He was nice, but there's only so much a 22 year old and a 40 or 50 something year old can talk about. I asked why he moved to Spain and that opened the can of worms about a messy divorce and England being a "dark" place for him. I just kind of sat there thinking about how unsympathetic I am and hoping he would change to a happier subject. Awkward. And yes I realised I used awkward three times in a few sentences describing our encounter, but that's what it was.
Today we went to the beach and they all went kayaking and paddling round on these ring things. I'd have done it, but no one told me that this weekend was like an adventure activity kind of thing and when they had told me to bring swimming stuff I was imagining laying on a yacht in the middle of the sea so brought a skimpy bikini... Not suitable for water sports. I told them I had a fear of canoes (what?) and sat on the beach with the mums and little children. I listened to my ipod and ignored everyone. Hello grumpy au pair. We headed back for lunch and more awkward conversation with Mr England. No one tells me what's going on and we'll all just be sat down, then everyone suddenly gets up and starts gathering their bags or something and I just have to pretend I totally know whats happening and join in... I think they forget they have to tell me but it makes me look a bit stupid!
I basically was a rubbish au pair this weekend. I get weekends off so I didn't know if I should be playing with the kids of hanging with the adults. I went to sit with the children to eat and was told to join the adults, but then I was worrying they were all whispering about how bad I was when I wasn't running round getting hot and sweaty chasing after a bouncy ball. We got back "home" at about 6.30 this evening and I made an effort with the older girl and showed her some photo's of my pets and friends at home (quickly skipping past the many drunken/badly behaved photo's on my phone...) and then played battleships before tea. It was quite nice actually and I'm starting to feel a bit more at home. Maybe 8 weeks isn't that long after all (must remember this next time I'm feeling grumpy!) and I'm sure it will fly by.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about working in Spain from September and I'm not sure it's what I want to do. It's working 25 hours a week, living with a host family and getting paid a "living allowance" of around 40 euros a week... They say they help you set up private English classes and can earn around another 200 euros a week but I'm not sure how likely that actually is. I don't want to be living with strangers, earning nothing and being grumpy. I'm starting to feel ready to get a job in the "real" world. But then this might change tomorrow, I seem so changeable at the moment. It's good to finally have time to think about what I want to do, hopefully by the time I go back to England I might have a bit more of a plan. From being 4 years old your life is planned out. Primary school > secondary school > sixth form > university. Then you hit 21 (22 in my case) and it's just like seeeeya work it out for yourself. I have a lot to think about, but luckily a lot of time to fill.
My plan for the week is to make more effort with the children (the family are so good to me, I need to make an effort for them!), explore the town a bit more, work out the washing machine and buy a belt. I brought one of my favourite dresses with me but it needs a belt and I forgot mine. I definitely checked round my room before I left looking for it and couldn't see it so I was convinced it was in my suitcase. Where do I buy a belt in a posh, tourist town? Everywhere is either gift shops or exclusive looking boutiques. Hmmm.
Apparently the weather isn't going to be great so no tanning for a few days. Probably a good thing. I've got a gross heat rash across my chest. I don't know where from because I spent most of the weekend shivering, but it's there and I hate it. I once got it really badly in Romania and it took ages to go. People keep asking if I'm burnt and I'm like I know I'm English, but even English people can't burn when there's barely any sun!
Fingers crosses it will go down overnight...
Kisses
p.s. There was a guy there this weekend called Juanca. Everyone pronounced his name wanker. Oblivious to what that means for me. I laughed to myself every time someone said it...
On Saturday we arrived, had lunch, dumped our bags and headed off for "sailing". By this time it was FREEZING so I decided to stay on the shore and went with my host mum, her friend and the 2 youngest children. I had a hot chocolate (in Spain?! In May?!) and shivered away until they got back to shore. It chucked it down. And I mean REALLY chucked it down. It was like a monsoon. The children were grumpy, I was cold and one of the girls stood on my new, white converse with her sandy/muddy shoes :( We went to a bar for a drink and between 6 noisy children and 5 adults only speaking in Spanish I wondered why I was doing this. I could be at home doing nothing, choosing to do what I want, when I want and not having children around me 24/7. We went back to the place we were staying, showered and headed down for dinner (no vegetarian alternative so I ended up with greasy chips and a bit of salad...) before the adults cracked open the wine. They kept offering me more and for a moment I was tempted to down a bottle and get really drunk. But that would make me a bad au pair so refrained. One of the other dads got me a gin and tonic though and it was SO strong. After that I decided no more alcohol because I would definitely have got drunk. Before dinner, the English guy who is married to (or just "with") one of the family's friends arrived and we had an awkward conversation. He's lived in Spain 7 years and still can't speak the language. Crazy! Because we were both English we were basically left to make awkward conversation all night. He was nice, but there's only so much a 22 year old and a 40 or 50 something year old can talk about. I asked why he moved to Spain and that opened the can of worms about a messy divorce and England being a "dark" place for him. I just kind of sat there thinking about how unsympathetic I am and hoping he would change to a happier subject. Awkward. And yes I realised I used awkward three times in a few sentences describing our encounter, but that's what it was.
I basically was a rubbish au pair this weekend. I get weekends off so I didn't know if I should be playing with the kids of hanging with the adults. I went to sit with the children to eat and was told to join the adults, but then I was worrying they were all whispering about how bad I was when I wasn't running round getting hot and sweaty chasing after a bouncy ball. We got back "home" at about 6.30 this evening and I made an effort with the older girl and showed her some photo's of my pets and friends at home (quickly skipping past the many drunken/badly behaved photo's on my phone...) and then played battleships before tea. It was quite nice actually and I'm starting to feel a bit more at home. Maybe 8 weeks isn't that long after all (must remember this next time I'm feeling grumpy!) and I'm sure it will fly by.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about working in Spain from September and I'm not sure it's what I want to do. It's working 25 hours a week, living with a host family and getting paid a "living allowance" of around 40 euros a week... They say they help you set up private English classes and can earn around another 200 euros a week but I'm not sure how likely that actually is. I don't want to be living with strangers, earning nothing and being grumpy. I'm starting to feel ready to get a job in the "real" world. But then this might change tomorrow, I seem so changeable at the moment. It's good to finally have time to think about what I want to do, hopefully by the time I go back to England I might have a bit more of a plan. From being 4 years old your life is planned out. Primary school > secondary school > sixth form > university. Then you hit 21 (22 in my case) and it's just like seeeeya work it out for yourself. I have a lot to think about, but luckily a lot of time to fill.
My plan for the week is to make more effort with the children (the family are so good to me, I need to make an effort for them!), explore the town a bit more, work out the washing machine and buy a belt. I brought one of my favourite dresses with me but it needs a belt and I forgot mine. I definitely checked round my room before I left looking for it and couldn't see it so I was convinced it was in my suitcase. Where do I buy a belt in a posh, tourist town? Everywhere is either gift shops or exclusive looking boutiques. Hmmm.
Apparently the weather isn't going to be great so no tanning for a few days. Probably a good thing. I've got a gross heat rash across my chest. I don't know where from because I spent most of the weekend shivering, but it's there and I hate it. I once got it really badly in Romania and it took ages to go. People keep asking if I'm burnt and I'm like I know I'm English, but even English people can't burn when there's barely any sun!
Fingers crosses it will go down overnight...
Kisses
p.s. There was a guy there this weekend called Juanca. Everyone pronounced his name wanker. Oblivious to what that means for me. I laughed to myself every time someone said it...
Friday, 24 May 2013
Day Two
After yesterdays self pitying and miserable post I thought I'd update with a more positive one.
My afternoon was better, although when we took the little girl to her swimming lesson all the other Spanish mums looked at me, asked my host mum if I could speak Spanish and then laughed when she said no. They obviously thought I couldn't understand any of what they are saying and although my Spanish is bad, I do understand bits so I knew they were talking about me!
I had an early dinner with the girl (overcooked green beans urghhh but with calamares which I loove) and got into bed early enough to watch FRIENDS on my laptop and catch up with a few friends at home. I slept really well and woke up this morning to take the little girl to school. I went for a walk down to the sea front and had a chocolate croissant for desayuno.
I got a bit lost on the way home but it was nice to explore a bit. Now I'm free until 12.30 when we are going to pick up the girl for lunch.
I would kind of prefer it if the mum worked. I thought it would be easier as I'm not actually in charge of the children, but I feel like I'm just hovering around a lot of the time. I guess that will get easier as time goes by though.
My internet died for a bit so I went and sat on the terrace for like 10 minutes and felt myself starting to burn. I love the sun but I wish I didn't have to worry about burning! I'm back in my room now, contemplating a nap before lunch. Such a hard life...
I hope this weekend away is okay. I have to share a room with the family which is weird. But then I can't complain because they've invited me. I could have stayed at their house but I feel like I have to make extra effort for the first couple of weeks.
I feel better now I'm back to my more positive self. I have a feeling there will be lots of up and down posts while I'm here. I'm hoping for mostly up though!
Kisses
My afternoon was better, although when we took the little girl to her swimming lesson all the other Spanish mums looked at me, asked my host mum if I could speak Spanish and then laughed when she said no. They obviously thought I couldn't understand any of what they are saying and although my Spanish is bad, I do understand bits so I knew they were talking about me!I had an early dinner with the girl (overcooked green beans urghhh but with calamares which I loove) and got into bed early enough to watch FRIENDS on my laptop and catch up with a few friends at home. I slept really well and woke up this morning to take the little girl to school. I went for a walk down to the sea front and had a chocolate croissant for desayuno.
I got a bit lost on the way home but it was nice to explore a bit. Now I'm free until 12.30 when we are going to pick up the girl for lunch.
I would kind of prefer it if the mum worked. I thought it would be easier as I'm not actually in charge of the children, but I feel like I'm just hovering around a lot of the time. I guess that will get easier as time goes by though.
My internet died for a bit so I went and sat on the terrace for like 10 minutes and felt myself starting to burn. I love the sun but I wish I didn't have to worry about burning! I'm back in my room now, contemplating a nap before lunch. Such a hard life...
I hope this weekend away is okay. I have to share a room with the family which is weird. But then I can't complain because they've invited me. I could have stayed at their house but I feel like I have to make extra effort for the first couple of weeks.
I feel better now I'm back to my more positive self. I have a feeling there will be lots of up and down posts while I'm here. I'm hoping for mostly up though!
Kisses
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Spain
I'm here!
I arrived yesterday evening and the family picked me up from the airport. It wasn't as awkward as I had imagined and we drove back to their town chatting and getting to know each other. They showed me round the house which is soo nice and I have my own room and bathroom. We went for a walk round the town and had an ice cream, then came home for dinner. I was up at about half 8 this morning and did a bit of school work with the girl and then went in the pool for a bit. I've just had lunch and now I'm free until 5pm.
All's good so far but I have a feeling 8 weeks is going to seem very long. I think I try to kid myself that I can "do" being abroad and away from home but I don't think I can. There's a bit of me that thinks forget the job in Spain in September and get a job and get on with life. But then I don't want to throw away my opportunity. Maybe it's just because I'm not settled yet, tired and feeling a bit down. I don't know. I just am finding it so tiring being chatty, smiley and enthusiastic. They keep asking if I'm tired because I'm quiet. But when it comes down to it I am quiet. I like my own company and my home comforts. How boring is this making me sound? There's a bit of me that looks at my friends who have a decent job, a nice boyfriend, a flat, a social life... and I want it. I think going abroad is my way of running away from the fact that that's what I want. I try to mold myself into this person that I'm not. I'm not insecure, far from that really. I'm probably one of the only ones in my friendship group that's comfortable with who they are but in my mind sometimes I'm not quite the person I actually am if that makes sense? I'm a home bird. I read blogs and hear my friends talk about incredible times abroad and I love the idea, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not sure if it's "me".
Maybe I'm just a bit homesick and it'll feel better once I'm more settled? I can't help myself looking at the planes in the sky thinking "that will be me in 58 days. One night down, fifty eight to go.
How miserable does this make me sound? I should be happy. I'm with a lovely family, in an amazing place. I'm getting paid to do very little work and I can spend my free time tanning on the beach and exploring the town. I can get into Barcelona in 30 minutes and it looks like there's a lot going on. I need to find some friends. If I knew I was going to meet up with some people my age this evening for drinks I think I would be happier. I've been in touch with a couple of au pairs nearby but they live out of the town so seeing them would mean some proper arranging, not just like grabbing a drink at the local bar. Who unleashed the negative side of me that I keep locked away? And why? I should be loving this and making the most of every opportunity. Why am I missing rainy England? I know if I was one of my friends and I was stuck in England I would be SO jealous. I'm going to the Costa Brava this weekend with the family. They're going sailing and windsurfing. I need to stop being moany and just enjoy this for what it is.
I meet the other girl I'm working with tomorrow. She's a little older and will hopefully speak more English which might make it easier. Hmmm.
I need to do as Yorkshire folk would say to me and "cheer up chuck"... I'm having a nap now and hoping I wake up in a better mood. I feel like a miserable teenager. What is wrong with me.
Kisses
I arrived yesterday evening and the family picked me up from the airport. It wasn't as awkward as I had imagined and we drove back to their town chatting and getting to know each other. They showed me round the house which is soo nice and I have my own room and bathroom. We went for a walk round the town and had an ice cream, then came home for dinner. I was up at about half 8 this morning and did a bit of school work with the girl and then went in the pool for a bit. I've just had lunch and now I'm free until 5pm.
All's good so far but I have a feeling 8 weeks is going to seem very long. I think I try to kid myself that I can "do" being abroad and away from home but I don't think I can. There's a bit of me that thinks forget the job in Spain in September and get a job and get on with life. But then I don't want to throw away my opportunity. Maybe it's just because I'm not settled yet, tired and feeling a bit down. I don't know. I just am finding it so tiring being chatty, smiley and enthusiastic. They keep asking if I'm tired because I'm quiet. But when it comes down to it I am quiet. I like my own company and my home comforts. How boring is this making me sound? There's a bit of me that looks at my friends who have a decent job, a nice boyfriend, a flat, a social life... and I want it. I think going abroad is my way of running away from the fact that that's what I want. I try to mold myself into this person that I'm not. I'm not insecure, far from that really. I'm probably one of the only ones in my friendship group that's comfortable with who they are but in my mind sometimes I'm not quite the person I actually am if that makes sense? I'm a home bird. I read blogs and hear my friends talk about incredible times abroad and I love the idea, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not sure if it's "me".
Maybe I'm just a bit homesick and it'll feel better once I'm more settled? I can't help myself looking at the planes in the sky thinking "that will be me in 58 days. One night down, fifty eight to go.
How miserable does this make me sound? I should be happy. I'm with a lovely family, in an amazing place. I'm getting paid to do very little work and I can spend my free time tanning on the beach and exploring the town. I can get into Barcelona in 30 minutes and it looks like there's a lot going on. I need to find some friends. If I knew I was going to meet up with some people my age this evening for drinks I think I would be happier. I've been in touch with a couple of au pairs nearby but they live out of the town so seeing them would mean some proper arranging, not just like grabbing a drink at the local bar. Who unleashed the negative side of me that I keep locked away? And why? I should be loving this and making the most of every opportunity. Why am I missing rainy England? I know if I was one of my friends and I was stuck in England I would be SO jealous. I'm going to the Costa Brava this weekend with the family. They're going sailing and windsurfing. I need to stop being moany and just enjoy this for what it is.
I meet the other girl I'm working with tomorrow. She's a little older and will hopefully speak more English which might make it easier. Hmmm.
I need to do as Yorkshire folk would say to me and "cheer up chuck"... I'm having a nap now and hoping I wake up in a better mood. I feel like a miserable teenager. What is wrong with me.
Kisses
Monday, 13 May 2013
I'm free (part 2)
So. My first day of being "free" and I'm just sitting in bed. I don't know what to do with myself at all. I feel like I should be doing an essay or at least thinking about it... I just thought I'd have this massive feeling of relief and excitement but I don't. I really, really just want to go home but I've promised I'll stay to go out for a meal tomorrow evening so I can't go home until Wednesday.
I'm going to York tomorrow though to meet up with my best friend. It's the last time I'll see her until I get back from Spain in August. I wish I actually had money to spend though. I want to buy some converse, so that's £40, the train is £7.50 and then I need to buy lunch etc and then go out for a meal tomorrow night. Expensive day. Plus I currently have £18 in my bank. Hmmm. I really don't want to have to ask my parents for money. I'm 22, I shouldn't still be relying on them. It really annoys me that a lot of my friends say they're all independent etc but still rely on parents to pay their rent or bail them out when they've spent all their money on nights out. If your parents can/want to help then fine, but 1, don't bang on about it all the time and 2, don't pretend that you're an adult and can handle your finances etc when you can't control your spending and have to run back to them at the end of each month. I'm not saying I'm great with money, I'm really not, but I try to make sure the important things are paid and usually the things I can't afford at the end of the month are just the things that I want, don't need. I have a bit of money saved, but I'm hoping I won't have to spend this while I'm in Spain as I'll be getting paid for au pairing. I do need to find the money to buy a graduation dress at some point though. We get our house deposit back at some point over the summer so at least I have that to look forward to.
I keep imagining the day I go to Spain. I'll be fine until my mum leaves me at the airport and then I'll get nervous. I don't like flying and then when I get off the plane, I'm going to have the awkward hunt around the airport for my host family, then the awkward meeting, then the awkward car journey home, then the awkward evening, then the awkward breakfast the next day... I don't cope well with awkward. At all. When will it become normal? After a day, a week, a month? What if they expect me to speak Spanish? I can't. What if they want me to do things I can't do? What if they're mean to me? There's a little bit of me thinking I should have stayed in England and bummed around for the summer before I move to Spain in September.. But then I guess I'd have been bored, poor and the weather will probably be bad. I'm just hoping it all goes smoothly, I fit in with them well, I meet other young people to hang out with (how do I do this? Hang around other young people and hope they'll talk to me??) and enjoy the summer. One week and 2 days. How fast has that come round? I started my blog not even sure if/when I was going to get an au pair job and now I'm so close to actually going. Crazy!
I've been offered the chance to go back to Romania in August as well. I'm not sure if my dad will let me go back after last time (can he stop me? I'm 22...) and if it's even a good idea. I might just see how I feel after Spain and think about going out for a week or 2.
What should I do today? All I need to do is pack my last few bits and finish off cleaning the kitchen. Everyone else still have assignments and exams to do so I'm just floating around on my own. I should go into uni and pay my library fine, but can I be bothered to walk alllll the way in just for that? Probably not. I might just watch loads of films. Actually, I've watched nearly every episode of Teachers, maybe I should watch the last few before I leave uni. My life better get more exciting than this. Last semester was good, lots of going out and excitement. This semester has been full of stress and planning. People reading my blog (if there is anyone? Even just one reader...) must think I am so dull. I might write my Romania post today, add a bit of excitement.
Hmmm. What to do, what to do.
Kisses.
I'm going to York tomorrow though to meet up with my best friend. It's the last time I'll see her until I get back from Spain in August. I wish I actually had money to spend though. I want to buy some converse, so that's £40, the train is £7.50 and then I need to buy lunch etc and then go out for a meal tomorrow night. Expensive day. Plus I currently have £18 in my bank. Hmmm. I really don't want to have to ask my parents for money. I'm 22, I shouldn't still be relying on them. It really annoys me that a lot of my friends say they're all independent etc but still rely on parents to pay their rent or bail them out when they've spent all their money on nights out. If your parents can/want to help then fine, but 1, don't bang on about it all the time and 2, don't pretend that you're an adult and can handle your finances etc when you can't control your spending and have to run back to them at the end of each month. I'm not saying I'm great with money, I'm really not, but I try to make sure the important things are paid and usually the things I can't afford at the end of the month are just the things that I want, don't need. I have a bit of money saved, but I'm hoping I won't have to spend this while I'm in Spain as I'll be getting paid for au pairing. I do need to find the money to buy a graduation dress at some point though. We get our house deposit back at some point over the summer so at least I have that to look forward to.
I keep imagining the day I go to Spain. I'll be fine until my mum leaves me at the airport and then I'll get nervous. I don't like flying and then when I get off the plane, I'm going to have the awkward hunt around the airport for my host family, then the awkward meeting, then the awkward car journey home, then the awkward evening, then the awkward breakfast the next day... I don't cope well with awkward. At all. When will it become normal? After a day, a week, a month? What if they expect me to speak Spanish? I can't. What if they want me to do things I can't do? What if they're mean to me? There's a little bit of me thinking I should have stayed in England and bummed around for the summer before I move to Spain in September.. But then I guess I'd have been bored, poor and the weather will probably be bad. I'm just hoping it all goes smoothly, I fit in with them well, I meet other young people to hang out with (how do I do this? Hang around other young people and hope they'll talk to me??) and enjoy the summer. One week and 2 days. How fast has that come round? I started my blog not even sure if/when I was going to get an au pair job and now I'm so close to actually going. Crazy!
I've been offered the chance to go back to Romania in August as well. I'm not sure if my dad will let me go back after last time (can he stop me? I'm 22...) and if it's even a good idea. I might just see how I feel after Spain and think about going out for a week or 2.
What should I do today? All I need to do is pack my last few bits and finish off cleaning the kitchen. Everyone else still have assignments and exams to do so I'm just floating around on my own. I should go into uni and pay my library fine, but can I be bothered to walk alllll the way in just for that? Probably not. I might just watch loads of films. Actually, I've watched nearly every episode of Teachers, maybe I should watch the last few before I leave uni. My life better get more exciting than this. Last semester was good, lots of going out and excitement. This semester has been full of stress and planning. People reading my blog (if there is anyone? Even just one reader...) must think I am so dull. I might write my Romania post today, add a bit of excitement.
Hmmm. What to do, what to do.
Kisses.
Sunday, 28 April 2013
Essay Hell
I can't do it. I really really can't. I've found things hard before but I literally don't know what I'm doing with this one. It's partly my own fault for not going to all the lectures and seminars but it's SO HARD. I've got just over 2 weeks to do it, I'm a third of the way through and I can't think of any more to write. Plus the book I need for it needs to be back in the library tomorrow as someone has a hold on it. Is it really bad to just keep it and pay the fine? Feel a bit bad on whoever needs it but I need it too!
On a happier note, I have 16 days left until I finish uni!! 3 years has flown by and I am so excited to never have to write an assignment again. 16 days till I finish also means it's not long until I have to pack up and move out of my uni house. I'm going to miss living with my friends, even if one of them does drive me crazy. I should really start sorting things out ready to pack but I don't know where to start with it all. I need to arrange for my dad to come and collect me and all my things as well. It's like the end of an era. No more lazy days lying in bed till the afternoon, no more student budgeting, no more crazy nights out 5 nights a week (I say this as if it's a regular thing. It's not. I'm boring now and don't go out so much but still, it's part of the student life...) and no more going to uni. It also means I have to leave my job as well. As much as I hate it sometimes, I do enjoy it. I've been there 2 years and met some people who will be friends for life (BFFL woo). It's been such a good job as well, if I don't feel like working one week I don't have to and the next week I could work 4 shifts. Super flexible!
It feels weird that I'm going to Spain in 3 and a bit weeks. I haven't spoken to the family since I booked my flights and I don't know if that is normal? I don't want to keep emailing them, but at the same time I don't want to not get in touch incase they think I don't want to go anymore or something. There's no instructions on how to do this! I need like a step by step guide to help me. Maybe after I've done it I could write one... I really can't wait now. I'm looking forward to a break from uni and I'm planning on trying to get really involved in their family life. Also so excited about September when I move to Spain properly. I keep looking at my suitcase and getting butterflies. Eeeee not long now :) The job makes me feel a bit nervous though. I've taught before and I was completely alone with a class of up to 30 Romanian children, so in theory the job in Spain should be simpler than that... but i'm still a bit worried about it all. I want to find out about other people doing the same thing as me. Apparently there is going to be around 150 people all going out at the same time. I'm hoping they're fun and I make some good friends. Also wan't to find out where I'll be living as well. It could be anywhere in Catalonia, I'd love to be in Barcelona though. There's a little bit of my that will be disappointed if I'm not, but I guess anywhere in Spain will be better than nowhere.
Looking forward to the day when I can blog about heading off to the airport, about to start my adventures. My mums taken the day off work to take me so I'm hoping we can do something nice like go for lunch before I head off. I'm secretly a bit scared of flying. Especially when I have to go alone. I've flown on my own 4 times but I like to have someone there to hold my hand. If I let myself think about it too much I feel like I might get a bit panicky so I'll stop now. Doesn't help that I had a dream last night that I was on a plane that kept having issues taking off and then when it finally did, we landed in the sea. SCARY TIMES.
Kisses
On a happier note, I have 16 days left until I finish uni!! 3 years has flown by and I am so excited to never have to write an assignment again. 16 days till I finish also means it's not long until I have to pack up and move out of my uni house. I'm going to miss living with my friends, even if one of them does drive me crazy. I should really start sorting things out ready to pack but I don't know where to start with it all. I need to arrange for my dad to come and collect me and all my things as well. It's like the end of an era. No more lazy days lying in bed till the afternoon, no more student budgeting, no more crazy nights out 5 nights a week (I say this as if it's a regular thing. It's not. I'm boring now and don't go out so much but still, it's part of the student life...) and no more going to uni. It also means I have to leave my job as well. As much as I hate it sometimes, I do enjoy it. I've been there 2 years and met some people who will be friends for life (BFFL woo). It's been such a good job as well, if I don't feel like working one week I don't have to and the next week I could work 4 shifts. Super flexible!
It feels weird that I'm going to Spain in 3 and a bit weeks. I haven't spoken to the family since I booked my flights and I don't know if that is normal? I don't want to keep emailing them, but at the same time I don't want to not get in touch incase they think I don't want to go anymore or something. There's no instructions on how to do this! I need like a step by step guide to help me. Maybe after I've done it I could write one... I really can't wait now. I'm looking forward to a break from uni and I'm planning on trying to get really involved in their family life. Also so excited about September when I move to Spain properly. I keep looking at my suitcase and getting butterflies. Eeeee not long now :) The job makes me feel a bit nervous though. I've taught before and I was completely alone with a class of up to 30 Romanian children, so in theory the job in Spain should be simpler than that... but i'm still a bit worried about it all. I want to find out about other people doing the same thing as me. Apparently there is going to be around 150 people all going out at the same time. I'm hoping they're fun and I make some good friends. Also wan't to find out where I'll be living as well. It could be anywhere in Catalonia, I'd love to be in Barcelona though. There's a little bit of my that will be disappointed if I'm not, but I guess anywhere in Spain will be better than nowhere.
Looking forward to the day when I can blog about heading off to the airport, about to start my adventures. My mums taken the day off work to take me so I'm hoping we can do something nice like go for lunch before I head off. I'm secretly a bit scared of flying. Especially when I have to go alone. I've flown on my own 4 times but I like to have someone there to hold my hand. If I let myself think about it too much I feel like I might get a bit panicky so I'll stop now. Doesn't help that I had a dream last night that I was on a plane that kept having issues taking off and then when it finally did, we landed in the sea. SCARY TIMES.
Kisses
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
4 weeks to go!
(Okay, it's 4 weeks and one day, but close enough!)
So I have four weeks until I go to start my job as an au pair for 8 weeks. I flip between being really excited and really nervous. I just keep imagining how awkward and scary it's going to be meeting the family for the first time in the airport. What do I do? What do I say? Do I jump straight in and talk to the children? I've tried googling for other peoples experiences about this and found a few blogs, but they don't really detail exactly how it was. I'm hoping that at some point in the future someone might find what I write and find it useful.
I'm starting to worry I won't meet anyone to hang out with while I'm there. I'm pretty happy with my own company, going to a cafe alone or trips to the beach... but I need some interaction with young people at some point! I've used couch surfing to try and contact a few people. So far they've mostly been that bit older than me... which is fine but I'm not sure how comfortable I am going off to meet a 50 year old man in the "nice quiet bar I know". I know they are probably harmless and just want to help me explore their town but it still makes me feel a bit uneasy. I'm hoping I'm somehow going to get lucky and meet some nice young people who can show me around and speak enough English for us to get by while I learn Spanish.
I'm also worrying about the language barrier. I haven't had time to practice any Spanish because of uni work and when I do have free time all I want to do is watch rubbish tv and relax for a bit. I want to get to know people and don't want to be the ignorant English person who can't speak any of the language. I guess I have the motivation to do it so it shouldn't be tooo bad.
I finish uni in 3 weeks and then go to Spain in 4 weeks. When I come back for the few weeks in the summer between au pairing and properly moving there in September everything will have changed. No more uni, my mum's moving house, her partner is moving into the new house with her and I'm going to be unemployed and poor for 6 weeks. Not sure how that's going to feel or what I'll do! I'm not good when I have nothing to do, I get grumpy and everything annoys me.
So... 4 weeks, 5 assignments, 2 rooms to pack, loads to buy and shifts to work. I can do this! I should really get started on it all though! And my trip to Spain better be worth it, I really need something fun to end my uni life with!
Kisses
So I have four weeks until I go to start my job as an au pair for 8 weeks. I flip between being really excited and really nervous. I just keep imagining how awkward and scary it's going to be meeting the family for the first time in the airport. What do I do? What do I say? Do I jump straight in and talk to the children? I've tried googling for other peoples experiences about this and found a few blogs, but they don't really detail exactly how it was. I'm hoping that at some point in the future someone might find what I write and find it useful.
I'm starting to worry I won't meet anyone to hang out with while I'm there. I'm pretty happy with my own company, going to a cafe alone or trips to the beach... but I need some interaction with young people at some point! I've used couch surfing to try and contact a few people. So far they've mostly been that bit older than me... which is fine but I'm not sure how comfortable I am going off to meet a 50 year old man in the "nice quiet bar I know". I know they are probably harmless and just want to help me explore their town but it still makes me feel a bit uneasy. I'm hoping I'm somehow going to get lucky and meet some nice young people who can show me around and speak enough English for us to get by while I learn Spanish.
I'm also worrying about the language barrier. I haven't had time to practice any Spanish because of uni work and when I do have free time all I want to do is watch rubbish tv and relax for a bit. I want to get to know people and don't want to be the ignorant English person who can't speak any of the language. I guess I have the motivation to do it so it shouldn't be tooo bad.
I finish uni in 3 weeks and then go to Spain in 4 weeks. When I come back for the few weeks in the summer between au pairing and properly moving there in September everything will have changed. No more uni, my mum's moving house, her partner is moving into the new house with her and I'm going to be unemployed and poor for 6 weeks. Not sure how that's going to feel or what I'll do! I'm not good when I have nothing to do, I get grumpy and everything annoys me.
So... 4 weeks, 5 assignments, 2 rooms to pack, loads to buy and shifts to work. I can do this! I should really get started on it all though! And my trip to Spain better be worth it, I really need something fun to end my uni life with!
Kisses
Friday, 12 April 2013
5 and a half weeks to go!
So I've got five and a half weeks to go and I still have an insane amount of stuff to do before I leave. I'm hoping that I'll have my dissertation done by the next time I write on here. I have so little left to do on it that it's hard to motivate myself to get started. I really want to have it done by the end of today and then I can have a weekend off uni work and the guilt I get when I don't do any!
I've started thinking about what to take to Spain. It's only 8 weeks so I'm lucky I don't have to pack everything, but come September when I'm off for a year I'm worried how I'll get everything in! I only have 15kg luggage allowance for the summer which really isn't much. The things on my list so far are:
A few dresses
2 pairs of jeans
Some nice tops
A jacket
A hoody
A couple of cardigans
Sandals
Bikini's (although my beach body isn't getting any closer right now!)
Converse
And then stuff like my hair straighteners, laptop, toiletries etc. Doesn't seem like a lot, but I went away last year with 15kg allowance and it was hard to keep it under! I don't know what suitcase to take either. I have my new giant one, a smaller slightly broken one or a little one... None of them really seem right but I can't afford another!
I really really really hope the family is nice. I've read some horror stories about crazy families and I just want someone friendly, who doesn't make me work too hard and lets me do what I want with my free time. Guess I'm going to just have to wait and see.
I'm a little bit sad I'm going away so soon after finishing uni. My friends are all staying around uni to make the most of the last few weeks of being a student and I'll miss out. But then I guess I'll be earning money, getting a tan and exploring while they're spending money, getting drunk and it will probably be raining.
SO EXCITED!!
Kisses
I've started thinking about what to take to Spain. It's only 8 weeks so I'm lucky I don't have to pack everything, but come September when I'm off for a year I'm worried how I'll get everything in! I only have 15kg luggage allowance for the summer which really isn't much. The things on my list so far are:
A few dresses
2 pairs of jeans
Some nice tops
A jacket
A hoody
A couple of cardigans
Sandals
Bikini's (although my beach body isn't getting any closer right now!)
Converse
And then stuff like my hair straighteners, laptop, toiletries etc. Doesn't seem like a lot, but I went away last year with 15kg allowance and it was hard to keep it under! I don't know what suitcase to take either. I have my new giant one, a smaller slightly broken one or a little one... None of them really seem right but I can't afford another!
I really really really hope the family is nice. I've read some horror stories about crazy families and I just want someone friendly, who doesn't make me work too hard and lets me do what I want with my free time. Guess I'm going to just have to wait and see.
I'm a little bit sad I'm going away so soon after finishing uni. My friends are all staying around uni to make the most of the last few weeks of being a student and I'll miss out. But then I guess I'll be earning money, getting a tan and exploring while they're spending money, getting drunk and it will probably be raining.
SO EXCITED!!
Kisses
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