Pages

Sunday 28 April 2013

Essay Hell

I can't do it. I really really can't. I've found things hard before but I literally don't know what I'm doing with this one. It's partly my own fault for not going to all the lectures and seminars but it's SO HARD. I've got just over 2 weeks to do it, I'm a third of the way through and I can't think of any more to write. Plus the book I need for it needs to be back in the library tomorrow as someone has a hold on it. Is it really bad to just keep it and pay the fine? Feel a bit bad on whoever needs it but I need it too!

On a happier note, I have 16 days left until I finish uni!! 3 years has flown by and I am so excited to never have to write an assignment again. 16 days till I finish also means it's not long until I have to pack up and move out of my uni house. I'm going to miss living with my friends, even if one of them does drive me crazy. I should really start sorting things out ready to pack but I don't know where to start with it all. I need to arrange for my dad to come and collect me and all my things as well. It's like the end of an era. No more lazy days lying in bed till the afternoon, no more student budgeting, no more crazy nights out 5 nights a week (I say this as if it's a regular thing. It's not. I'm boring now and don't go out so much but still, it's part of the student life...) and no more going to uni. It also means I have to leave my job as well. As much as I hate it sometimes, I do enjoy it. I've been there 2 years and met some people who will be friends for life (BFFL woo). It's been such a good job as well, if I don't feel like working one week I don't have to and the next week I could work 4 shifts. Super flexible!

It feels weird that I'm going to Spain in 3 and a bit weeks. I haven't spoken to the family since I booked my flights and I don't know if that is normal? I don't want to keep emailing them, but at the same time I don't want to not get in touch incase they think I don't want to go anymore or something. There's no instructions on how to do this! I need like a step by step guide to help me. Maybe after I've done it I could write one... I really can't wait now. I'm looking forward to a break from uni and I'm planning on trying to get really involved in their family life. Also so excited about September when I move to Spain properly. I keep looking at my suitcase and getting butterflies. Eeeee not long now :) The job makes me feel a bit nervous though. I've taught before and I was completely alone with a class of up to 30 Romanian children, so in theory the job in Spain should be simpler than that... but i'm still a bit worried about it all. I want to find out about other people doing the same thing as me. Apparently there is going to be around 150 people all going out at the same time. I'm hoping they're fun and I make some good friends. Also wan't to find out where I'll be living as well. It could be anywhere in Catalonia, I'd love to be in Barcelona though. There's a little bit of my that will be disappointed if I'm not, but I guess anywhere in Spain will be better than nowhere.

Looking forward to the day when I can blog about heading off to the airport, about to start my adventures. My mums taken the day off work to take me so I'm hoping we can do something nice like go for lunch before I head off. I'm secretly a bit scared of flying. Especially when I have to go alone. I've flown on my own 4 times but I like to have someone there to hold my hand. If I let myself think about it too much I feel like I might get a bit panicky so I'll stop now. Doesn't help that I had a dream last night that I was on a plane that kept having issues taking off and then when it finally did, we landed in the sea. SCARY TIMES.

Kisses

Tuesday 23 April 2013

4 weeks to go!

(Okay, it's 4 weeks and one day, but close enough!)

So I have four weeks until I go to start my job as an au pair for 8 weeks. I flip between being really excited and really nervous. I just keep imagining how awkward and scary it's going to be meeting the family for the first time in the airport. What do I do? What do I say? Do I jump straight in and talk to the children? I've tried googling for other peoples experiences about this and found a few blogs, but they don't really detail exactly how it was. I'm hoping that at some point in the future someone might find what I write and find it useful.

I'm starting to worry I won't meet anyone to hang out with while I'm there. I'm pretty happy with my own company, going to a cafe alone or trips to the beach... but I need some interaction with young people at some point! I've used couch surfing to try and contact a few people. So far they've mostly been that bit older than me... which is fine but I'm not sure how comfortable I am going off to meet a 50 year old man in the "nice quiet bar I know". I know they are probably harmless and just want to help me explore their town but it still makes me feel a bit uneasy. I'm hoping I'm somehow going to get lucky and meet some nice young people who can show me around and speak enough English for us to get by while I learn Spanish.

I'm also worrying about the language barrier. I haven't had time to practice any Spanish because of uni work and when I do have free time all I want to do is watch rubbish tv and relax for a bit. I want to get to know people and don't want to be the ignorant English person who can't speak any of the language. I guess I have the motivation to do it so it shouldn't be tooo bad.

I finish uni in 3 weeks and then go to Spain in 4 weeks. When I come back for the few weeks in the summer between au pairing and properly moving there in September everything will have changed. No more uni, my mum's moving house, her partner is moving into the new house with her and I'm going to be unemployed and poor for 6 weeks. Not sure how that's going to feel or what I'll do! I'm not good when I have nothing to do, I get grumpy and everything annoys me.

So... 4 weeks, 5 assignments, 2 rooms to pack, loads to buy and shifts to work. I can do this! I should really get started on it all though! And my trip to Spain better be worth it, I really need something fun to end my uni life with!

Kisses

Tuesday 16 April 2013

Dissertation is FINISHED

FINALLY! After what feels like forever, my dissertation is finished! All I need to do now is print and bind it tomorrow, then hand it in. I feel like I could keep editing it forever, but I decided that enough was enough and just to leave it. Then it took me about 3 years to work out how to do all the page numbering but I got there in the end.

So now it's just everything else to do... But 5 weeks tomorrow I will be getting on the plane and heading off to Spain for 8 weeks. It's just the beginning of lots of exciting things! I'm not going to lie, I am now pretty scared about flying off to Spain to live with strangers. I wish I could skip out the meeting them part and go straight to when I'm a bit settled and know what I'm doing. Just the first couple of days. Ahhhh scary! But I guess being a bit scared is good sometimes. Makes life more exciting.

On a bit of a side note and I'm sorry to write about boys (when do I start referring to them as men? I'm 22 now but I still feel like I'm too young to say I'm interested in men?) again but the friends I always thought I could rely on for being single with me have found themselves love interests. Hello loner. It's not that I want a boyfriend, it would be totally impractical right now, but I don't want anyone else to have them either. All I get is the creeps/ones with girlfriends. MY TURN FOR NICE BOY. Seriously though, I have the worst luck. Always thinking maybe one day... but why do all my friends get nice ones and not me grrr. /end of rant.

I'm giving myself a couple of days off uni work and then it's back to the library. Boring. Not long to go now though!

Kisses

Friday 12 April 2013

5 and a half weeks to go!

So I've got five and a half weeks to go and I still have an insane amount of stuff to do before I leave. I'm hoping that I'll have my dissertation done by the next time I write on here. I have so little left to do on it that it's hard to motivate myself to get started. I really want to have it done by the end of today and then I can have a weekend off uni work and the guilt I get when I don't do any!

I've started thinking about what to take to Spain. It's only 8 weeks so I'm lucky I don't have to pack everything, but come September when I'm off for a year I'm worried how I'll get everything in! I only have 15kg luggage allowance for the summer which really isn't much. The things on my list so far are:

A few dresses
2 pairs of jeans
Some nice tops
A jacket
A hoody
A couple of cardigans
Sandals
Bikini's (although my beach body isn't getting any closer right now!)
Converse

And then stuff like my hair straighteners, laptop, toiletries etc. Doesn't seem like a lot, but I went away last year with 15kg allowance and it was hard to keep it under! I don't know what suitcase to take either. I have my new giant one, a smaller slightly broken one or a little one... None of them really seem right but I can't afford another!

I really really really hope the family is nice. I've read some horror stories about crazy families and I just want someone friendly, who doesn't make me work too hard and lets me do what I want with my free time. Guess I'm going to just have to wait and see.

I'm a little bit sad I'm going away so soon after finishing uni. My friends are all staying around uni to make the most of the last few weeks of being a student and I'll miss out. But then I guess I'll be earning money, getting a tan and exploring while they're spending money, getting drunk and it will probably be raining.

SO EXCITED!!

Kisses

Monday 8 April 2013

Panic Over

They've replied. My flight is booked for the 22nd May and I'm excited!

I went to town today with the intention of going to Boots and then going to the library. Didn't happen. I ended up having lunch and buying a new suitcase. Pretty unproductive, although the suitcase was a bargain and I saved £115! Went for lunch at this amaaazing Mexican place too. I'd tell you where it is but it'll make me a bit less anonymous and I don't want to blow my cover just yet ;)

So flight booked. Suitcase bought. Spanish improving. And now I'm scared. I'm going to live with a family of strangers. What am I doing?! If I'm scared now, I'll be a nervous wreck by the time I get on the plane. Help.

I looked into horse riding near the town I'll be in. I haven't been riding for years and it would be good to give it a go in Spain. 20 euros an hour, so cheaper than England. I'm going to look into things to do around there. I'd like to have a go at some tennis again too if I can. And swim in the warm sea. And sunbathe. And look after the children of course... Ahhh I'm EXCITED!!

I have my dissertation meeting tomorrow (finally) and I'm worried. Frantically trying to make my work sound good. Fingers crossed!

Kisses

Sunday 7 April 2013

No Reply...

So I've not had a reply from the family. It's only been 24 hours but I'm worried they've decided they don't want me. It all sounded so good and things never seem to go smoothly for me. Not sure how long I should wait for a reply. I want to get flights booked soon and if they don't want me, I should look for another family.  But then I don't want to find someone else and then find out they actually do want me. Hmm. I'll give it another couple of days but reaaally hoping they get back to me as it all sounded so good!

In other news, I'm back at uni now. My mum dropped me off an left me alone in my cold student house. Felt a bit like an orphan. I've unpacked and have food in the fridge so feeling a bit better now. I walked into my room and it smelt like a hospital. I'd been using TCP for my ear and nose piercings before I went home and it still smells so strongly!

Fighting the urge to nap. I want to have an early night so I can get up and out to the library early tomorrow. BORING. Need to get on with my dissertation though. My supervisor STILL hasn't emailed me back even though I contacted him again about a meeting. Annoying.

So I was just on Facebook and this guy starts talking to me on chat. We have a bit of history but I'm not interested and I've told him this quite clearly. Why do they come crawling back out of the woodwork when you think they've finally got the message and moved on? At least this one doesn't have a girlfriend (that I know of...) but I haven't had much luck in that respect. The last 4 guys I've had anything to do with/dated/been seeing have had girlfriends. I knew about one, bad I know but these things happen.. learnt my lesson on that. The other 3 didn't think it necessary to share that information with me. I joked that I'll move to Spain and fall in love with a man then find out he's married. A pretty likely situation for me going by my past record. Why do guys do it? Surely you have a girlfriend because you want one, not because you want to cheat. I have the worst luck.

Anyway, this blog isn't meant to be a man hating rant so I'll leave it at that. As I've been writing this I've been getting more and more horizontal in bed and I think I might have to have a nap. Just a little one.

Kisses

Saturday 6 April 2013

I don't want to go back!

I have to go back to uni tomorrow. I don't want to go. I feel like a child stamping my feet and screaming. I can't be bothered with fending for myself, having to go to lectures, meetings with lecturers and having to be sociable with my housemates all the time. I wan't to just fast forward until my last hand in date and be done with it.

Normally after a week or two at home I'm soo ready to go back but I've loved being home this time. And being back at uni means deadlines are getting closer and closer.

On the bright side, I've found my flights for going to Spain next month. Just need to wait till loan day on Monday to book them. I'm going to email the family I'll be working for after this and confirm the dates. Fingers crossed they still want me!

Having a bit of a panic about money. Basically, I don't have any. I'm spending what I don't have. As usual. Just a few things on my list to pay for are flights, my rent at my uni house, bills, a new suitcase, new clothes plus living costs till I go away. If only I had rich parents.

I'm a whole 40 words into my assignment. That's including the title. Can. Not. Be. Bothered. I don't want to let myself down in my final bit of uni though. I started off wanting a first, now I'd be happy with a 2.1. I've averaged out at the over the last 2 years, just need to give it that final push now.

I have so much to do and so little time. But I still want time to go faster so I can get to Spain. STRESS STRESS STRESS.

Kisses

Thursday 4 April 2013

I can speak Spanish (not)

So it turns out the people I am going to work for in Spain think I can speak Spanish. I can't. I did a couple of years of it in school but barely remember any. SPANISH PANIC. I've given up on uni work and started trying to re learn some of the language. I'm using a site called duolingo which is actually pretty good to say it's free. It does have some odd sentences though like "the duck drinks milk". Do they?

I really need a bit of panic to set in about finishing uni so soon. I just don't care. I'll get my work done but I just can't be bothered to do it that well. My mum's friend spoke to me the other day and said she uses me as an example for her children about how not to get stressed about uni work. She said she thinks I'm very intelligent (thanks) but that I only push myself to about 30% of my ability. Compliment or insult? It's true though. I feel like I cruise through life doing the minimum I need to to do okay. Where is my motivation?!

I met up with an old friend yesterday. She said she thinks I'm going to go to Spain, fall in love with the country and a Spanish man and never come home. I reckon I will come back but if a Spanish man wants to fall in love with me then he can feel free! My plan at the moment is to do my au-pairing, come back for a few weeks, go and work in the school for a year and then bum around in Spain or somewhere exciting till I'm 25 and then I have to come home and actually start real life. What "real life" is, I'm not quite sure yet. So I have 2 and a half years to have fun.

I had this horrible thought yesterday while I was in the bath. What if I end up pregnant in the next few months, can't go to Spain, have to live at home with my mum and her man friend bringing up a screaming baby for the next 20 years? (Mother, if you are reading this, I'm not pregnant and I don't plan to be for a very long time, it was just a thought). That would probably be my worst nightmare right now. Obviously I like children, but only if they belong to someone else. I like to play and then give them back. I want a husband, car, house and job before I even think about popping out a sprog. Definitely one day though. Just one day very far away.

So I've realised, my blog so far has been a long ramble about nothing in particular. I promise to you (if anyone is actually reading this...) that when I finally get to Spain it will be more interesting and I'll be telling you all about the amazing fun I'm having and posting pictures of the sun. Or I could be telling you about the evil family who have tricked me into working from them and I'll be writing my blog from the cupboard that they make me sleep in. I'm hoping it will be the former.

I better get on with some work. It's on the public sphere. What even is that? No idea.

Kisses

Tuesday 2 April 2013

I've had a busy week (for me) and neglected my blog. Not that any one care ha, but I want to try and keep it up to date, even if it is only ever me that reads it!

So last week was a blur of essay writing and gin mojitos (not a good idea if you have a family meal to go to the next day and don't want to be throwing up until 20 minutes before you have to leave...) but I had fun. Caught up with some old friends and had a good (if slightly embarrassing) night out. Then the weekend passed in a haze of chocolate eating (Easter egg went all in one go, oops) and wine drinking, ending in another night out which I left at 1am. I'm not hardcore enough for late night any more!

My little brother moved down south today. A long way, 7 hours driving to be precise. I was a good sister and made "brunch" for him before he left. Even gave him a hug, and I am not a hugger. I'm not a big fan of touching people at all actually, bit weird I know. My mum got a bit teary eyed last night about her babies "flying the nest". Not sure why though, I moved to uni nearly 3 years ago, older brother hasn't lived at home for 7 years and little bro moved out 6 months ago... but hey, nice to know she cares, right? I probably won't see little bro until August now. I didn't see loads of him before, but we used to have pizza nights quite often and I'll miss that.

I was sat thinking the other day and it hit me how much I have to do in the next 6 or so weeks. On top of all my uni work I have to move out of my uni house, get everything ready for going to Spain and pack up my room at home because we're moving while I'm away. It doesn't sound a lot now it's written down but if you saw my rooms you would know why I am worried. After I've written this I'm going to start sorting a few bits. HOW DO I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF?! After moving house 10 times (not including uni houses) you'd think I'd have got rid of all the rubbish I cart around with me. But no. It's all there hiding under my bed and in cupboards.

I hit 10,000 words on my dissertation today. Woo. Now there isn't much I can do till I see my supervisor. Hoping I only have about 1000 left to do till I'm done! 2 and a bit weeks till the deadline so I'm feeling good. Need to get on with all the other work I have to do now though. Just read through the questions for one of my assignments. We have to pick one of 6. Easy I thought, surely there would be one I knew how to do? Nope. Not a clue. My own fault for missing so many classes. Is it bad that I don't really care any more? Just want to finish.

I can now say I GO TO SPAIN NEXT MONTH. Yay! That's as long as the family don't suddenly cancel or something, which knowing my luck, probably could happen. Loan day on Monday so I'll be booking flights. EXCITED.

I'm off to empty some boxes and sift through all the crap I've carried around with me since I was about 10. Wish me luck.

Kisses