I went for a walk this morning and sat on one of the jetty things that goes out to sea, listening to music for nearly an hour. It was so peaceful and relaxing and I really had time to think about things. I'm slowly going off the idea of spending a year in Barcelona. It makes me feel sad that I was so excited about it and now I'm going the opposite way, but there is part of me that just wants to get back to England, figure out what it is that I want to do and get a job. I want to have a car and move out of my mum's and be able to do nice things, which I couldn't do while living in Spain with a host family, earning 40 euros a week. I know I won't go straight in to earning big money or anything, but it's more just that I want to get on with life. Deep down I know that what I want is a nice group of friends (which I already have but are now spread across the UK), a job that I enjoy, a little car to get about in and a nice, steady boyfriend. I sound so boring! But then I can't help what I am... I still want to do fun things, see new places etc and I still can, even when I'm working 9-5. I don't know. I'm so indecisive. I'll probably have changed my mind again by next week. I'm going to use my free time to research my options and see what emerges. There's not too much of a rush and I don't have to commit to anything yet.
My first "normal" day of au pairing went well today. I went for a walk and sat by the sea, stopped at a cafe for a drink, caught up on things on my laptop and spent time with the children. I took the older girl to the beach and I was supposed to be helping her practice her English but I'm not sure if we actually did much of that. More just making patterns in the sand, paddling and running around. I had fun though.
Before I came here I thought I'd want to meet people and go for nights out etc, but I'm pretty content just hanging around, having early nights and enjoying the peace and relaxation (seriously, where did the old me go?!). After the last year of uni and all the work I've done it feels so good to just stop and chill out for a bit. I'm trying to be extra healthy, lots of exercise, eating well, no alcohol... I'd love to go back to England tanned, fit and super healthy. I want to join a gym when I get home and really get into looking after myself. But I'll have to see. I seem to say a lot of things at the moment and not follow them through.
I realise my blog isn't really that exiting. It's not funny, full of crazy stories or lots of advice, but I guess one day it will help me to read it back and maybe anyone else in a similar position. I sound like such a loser, reflecting on life and planning the future, but being here alone is really making me think.
I'm having fun here though. 8 weeks doesn't seem too long anymore and I really like the family I'm working for. For anyone reading this who's thinking about au pairing - do it! Make sure you have a good family and go for it.
I'm off to watch Peter Andre: My Life now. How exciting am I?
Kisses
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, 27 May 2013
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the day I fly off to Spain and hopefully start my summer of Spanish fun!
To be honest, right now I'm a bit unexcited (is that a word?) about it. I'm so tired and getting ready feels like a bit of a chore. I wish I was more excited. But then when I talk about it I feel more excited and when I think about getting to the airport... I'm just dreading meeting the family and reallyyyy hope that they're nice!
I'm spending the day finishing off last bits, updating my ipod, packing and making sure I'm all ready. I can only take 15kg of luggage with me which I'm finding hard! I've pretty much finished packing my room for when my mum moves house as well. I have a horrible feeling my mum will find something when she's moving all my stuff. I don't know what. I don't really have anything top secret in my room and anything even remotely like that is neatly packed away. It just reminds me of a time she found a letter that reallyyyy shouldn't have been seen by her. She didn't say anything, just put it on my bed so I know she'd seen it. Oops.
I'm leaving about 11am tomorrow, calling at my uni house to pick up the last couple of bits that I couldn't fit in my dads car and then heading to the airport. My flight isn't until 3.15pm but I want to have time to check in without rushing and hopefully a quick lunch with my mum somewhere on the way. Then I have to deal with the flight. I hate it. I just need to remember to breatheeee.
I'm a bit sad to be going. I went for dinner and a few drinks with a couple of friends last night and it was so nice. One of them I've known since I was about 3, but I don't really remember that far back and moved up north for a bit so lost touch. The other I've known since I moved back to the city when I was about 10. Me, those two and one other girl call ourselves the "spinsters". We're all single and have been for a long time. We joke that we'll all be single for ever and laugh, but then the laughter turns a bit hysterical when we realise that it isn't too out there for it to come true. It'll be us four living in a house with 100 cats when we're OAP's. I know I shouldn't, but I keep having mini panics about the future. I would HATE to get to my mid thirties, still be living at home or in a rubbish little flat, bumming around doing jobs I hate and still single while all my friends get married and have children. In my mind, I want to be in my chosen career (teaching??), have a steady boyfriend/fiance, a house and be thinking about having children by the time I'm 28-30. Will that happen? WILL IT? Please tell me it will. What if it doesn't? What if I'm just that family member who is always alone and never takes a plus one to weddings etc. My friends will try but fail to set me up with their equally desperate friends. My friends will have to take it in turns to have me round for Christmas dinner. I'll holiday alone (this is already starting to happen. Help) and my mum will get sick of me lingering around all the time. I seriously hope this isn't the case, but I should start to prepare myself. I've got 6 years to decide what I want to do, pin down a man, get proposed to and have bought a house. Possible? Probably not with the way things are going. I'm not known for making the best decisions.
On the subject of bad decisions, I can feel a bad one creeping in. It's to do with a guy (snore) and I really shouldn't like him, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach is there and I don't want to admit it but maybe I do. Why do I always pick the wrong ones? Hopefully as soon as I leave English soil my thoughts will go and I'll forget about him... Or maybe not. Maybe I only like him because I've been single for a while and I'm flattered by the interest? How do some of my friends have it so easy? One lovely boyfriend to the next. I get complication, idiots and losers. Woo. I guess every group of friends has to have the token single one.
On the plus side, if I did have a boyfriend I wouldn't be able to fly off to spend months in Spain. When I think about it, I don't really want one but when me and my fellow spinsters get together I always walk away thinking OMG I need to sort my life out.
This time in 24 hours I'll be in the airport. Probably frantically putting on 100's of layers because my suitcase is too heavy and panicking in the corner about the flight. Breathe.
Time to finish packing. I would actually pay someone to come and do it for me right now.
Kisses
To be honest, right now I'm a bit unexcited (is that a word?) about it. I'm so tired and getting ready feels like a bit of a chore. I wish I was more excited. But then when I talk about it I feel more excited and when I think about getting to the airport... I'm just dreading meeting the family and reallyyyy hope that they're nice!
I'm spending the day finishing off last bits, updating my ipod, packing and making sure I'm all ready. I can only take 15kg of luggage with me which I'm finding hard! I've pretty much finished packing my room for when my mum moves house as well. I have a horrible feeling my mum will find something when she's moving all my stuff. I don't know what. I don't really have anything top secret in my room and anything even remotely like that is neatly packed away. It just reminds me of a time she found a letter that reallyyyy shouldn't have been seen by her. She didn't say anything, just put it on my bed so I know she'd seen it. Oops.
I'm leaving about 11am tomorrow, calling at my uni house to pick up the last couple of bits that I couldn't fit in my dads car and then heading to the airport. My flight isn't until 3.15pm but I want to have time to check in without rushing and hopefully a quick lunch with my mum somewhere on the way. Then I have to deal with the flight. I hate it. I just need to remember to breatheeee.
I'm a bit sad to be going. I went for dinner and a few drinks with a couple of friends last night and it was so nice. One of them I've known since I was about 3, but I don't really remember that far back and moved up north for a bit so lost touch. The other I've known since I moved back to the city when I was about 10. Me, those two and one other girl call ourselves the "spinsters". We're all single and have been for a long time. We joke that we'll all be single for ever and laugh, but then the laughter turns a bit hysterical when we realise that it isn't too out there for it to come true. It'll be us four living in a house with 100 cats when we're OAP's. I know I shouldn't, but I keep having mini panics about the future. I would HATE to get to my mid thirties, still be living at home or in a rubbish little flat, bumming around doing jobs I hate and still single while all my friends get married and have children. In my mind, I want to be in my chosen career (teaching??), have a steady boyfriend/fiance, a house and be thinking about having children by the time I'm 28-30. Will that happen? WILL IT? Please tell me it will. What if it doesn't? What if I'm just that family member who is always alone and never takes a plus one to weddings etc. My friends will try but fail to set me up with their equally desperate friends. My friends will have to take it in turns to have me round for Christmas dinner. I'll holiday alone (this is already starting to happen. Help) and my mum will get sick of me lingering around all the time. I seriously hope this isn't the case, but I should start to prepare myself. I've got 6 years to decide what I want to do, pin down a man, get proposed to and have bought a house. Possible? Probably not with the way things are going. I'm not known for making the best decisions.
On the subject of bad decisions, I can feel a bad one creeping in. It's to do with a guy (snore) and I really shouldn't like him, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach is there and I don't want to admit it but maybe I do. Why do I always pick the wrong ones? Hopefully as soon as I leave English soil my thoughts will go and I'll forget about him... Or maybe not. Maybe I only like him because I've been single for a while and I'm flattered by the interest? How do some of my friends have it so easy? One lovely boyfriend to the next. I get complication, idiots and losers. Woo. I guess every group of friends has to have the token single one.
On the plus side, if I did have a boyfriend I wouldn't be able to fly off to spend months in Spain. When I think about it, I don't really want one but when me and my fellow spinsters get together I always walk away thinking OMG I need to sort my life out.
This time in 24 hours I'll be in the airport. Probably frantically putting on 100's of layers because my suitcase is too heavy and panicking in the corner about the flight. Breathe.
Time to finish packing. I would actually pay someone to come and do it for me right now.
Kisses
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