Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I fly off to Spain and hopefully start my summer of Spanish fun!

To be honest, right now I'm a bit unexcited (is that a word?) about it. I'm so tired and getting ready feels like a bit of a chore. I wish I was more excited. But then when I talk about it I feel more excited and when I think about getting to the airport... I'm just dreading meeting the family and reallyyyy hope that they're nice!

I'm spending the day finishing off last bits, updating my ipod, packing and making sure I'm all ready. I can only take 15kg of luggage with me which I'm finding hard! I've pretty much finished packing my room for when my mum moves house as well. I have a horrible feeling my mum will find something when she's moving all my stuff. I don't know what. I don't really have anything top secret in my room and anything even remotely like that is neatly packed away. It just reminds me of a time she found a letter that reallyyyy shouldn't have been seen by her. She didn't say anything, just put it on my bed so I know she'd seen it. Oops.

I'm leaving about 11am tomorrow, calling at my uni house to pick up the last couple of bits that I couldn't fit in my dads car and then heading to the airport. My flight isn't until 3.15pm but I want to have time to check in without rushing and hopefully a quick lunch with my mum somewhere on the way. Then I have to deal with the flight. I hate it. I just need to remember to breatheeee.

I'm a bit sad to be going. I went for dinner and a few drinks with a couple of friends last night and it was so nice. One of them I've known since I was about 3, but I don't really remember that far back and moved up north for a bit so lost touch. The other I've known since I moved back to the city when I was about 10. Me, those two and one other girl call ourselves the "spinsters". We're all single and have been for a long time. We joke that we'll all be single for ever and laugh, but then the laughter turns a bit hysterical when we realise that it isn't too out there for it to come true. It'll be us four living in a house with 100 cats when we're OAP's. I know I shouldn't, but I keep having mini panics about the future. I would HATE to get to my mid thirties, still be living at home or in a rubbish little flat, bumming around doing jobs I hate and still single while all my friends get married and have children. In my mind, I want to be in my chosen career (teaching??), have a steady boyfriend/fiance, a house and be thinking about having children by the time I'm 28-30. Will that happen? WILL IT? Please tell me it will. What if it doesn't? What if I'm just that family member who is always alone and never takes a plus one to weddings etc. My friends will try but fail to set me up with their equally desperate friends. My friends will have to take it in turns to have me round for Christmas dinner. I'll holiday alone (this is already starting to happen. Help) and my mum will get sick of me lingering around all the time. I seriously hope this isn't the case, but I should start to prepare myself. I've got 6 years to decide what I want to do, pin down a man, get proposed to and have bought a house. Possible? Probably not with the way things are going. I'm not known for making the best decisions.

On the subject of bad decisions, I can feel a bad one creeping in. It's to do with a guy (snore) and I really shouldn't like him, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach is there and I don't want to admit it but maybe I do. Why do I always pick the wrong ones? Hopefully as soon as I leave English soil my thoughts will go and I'll forget about him... Or maybe not. Maybe I only like him because I've been single for a while and I'm flattered by the interest? How do some of my friends have it so easy? One lovely boyfriend to the next. I get complication, idiots and losers. Woo. I guess every group of friends has to have the token single one.

On the plus side, if I did have a boyfriend I wouldn't be able to fly off to spend months in Spain. When I think about it, I don't really want one but when me and my fellow spinsters get together I always walk away thinking OMG I need to sort my life out.

This time in 24 hours I'll be in the airport. Probably frantically putting on 100's of layers because my suitcase is too heavy and panicking in the corner about the flight. Breathe. 

Time to finish packing. I would actually pay someone to come and do it for me right now.

Kisses

The sun is out!

So I'm still struggling with my essay. I'm now 1,896 words into a 3,000 word essay. I thinkkk I know where I'm going with it now but I'm not sure. Really really want a draft done by the end of the day, but drinks in a beer garden are so much more tempting! My housemate and I decided we'll have a break at 2pm to go for a (non-alcoholic!) drink at the pub, before coming back and doing more work. Going to dig out the sunglasses now!

More excitingly, this time in 3 weeks I'll be in Spain! YES! Finally. (That also means less than 2 weeks until uni is finished but I won't talk about that now... OMG). My new favorite way to procrastinate is to search the internet for fun things to do, places to go etc in the town I'll be staying in. I CAN'T WAIT! It looks like such a cool place. I was looking at some of the clubs and some don't open until 3am. WHAT?! Usually by half 1 I'm getting sleepy and thinking about home. Seriously going to have to start training myself to stay up late. So so excited. I'm really looking forward to meeting the family as well, just still hoping we get along!

I got and email from a summer camp in Spain asking if I'd like to work for them for a few weeks in August which would suit me really well. Only problem is the flights are crazy expensive. I'm going to email and see if they cover the cost. Doubt it, but worth a try!

The sun, the fact I'm so close to finishing uni and going to Spain and life being good in general = a happy me!

Currently listening to this old favorite:

I LOVE SUMMER!

Kisses

Essay Hell

I can't do it. I really really can't. I've found things hard before but I literally don't know what I'm doing with this one. It's partly my own fault for not going to all the lectures and seminars but it's SO HARD. I've got just over 2 weeks to do it, I'm a third of the way through and I can't think of any more to write. Plus the book I need for it needs to be back in the library tomorrow as someone has a hold on it. Is it really bad to just keep it and pay the fine? Feel a bit bad on whoever needs it but I need it too!

On a happier note, I have 16 days left until I finish uni!! 3 years has flown by and I am so excited to never have to write an assignment again. 16 days till I finish also means it's not long until I have to pack up and move out of my uni house. I'm going to miss living with my friends, even if one of them does drive me crazy. I should really start sorting things out ready to pack but I don't know where to start with it all. I need to arrange for my dad to come and collect me and all my things as well. It's like the end of an era. No more lazy days lying in bed till the afternoon, no more student budgeting, no more crazy nights out 5 nights a week (I say this as if it's a regular thing. It's not. I'm boring now and don't go out so much but still, it's part of the student life...) and no more going to uni. It also means I have to leave my job as well. As much as I hate it sometimes, I do enjoy it. I've been there 2 years and met some people who will be friends for life (BFFL woo). It's been such a good job as well, if I don't feel like working one week I don't have to and the next week I could work 4 shifts. Super flexible!

It feels weird that I'm going to Spain in 3 and a bit weeks. I haven't spoken to the family since I booked my flights and I don't know if that is normal? I don't want to keep emailing them, but at the same time I don't want to not get in touch incase they think I don't want to go anymore or something. There's no instructions on how to do this! I need like a step by step guide to help me. Maybe after I've done it I could write one... I really can't wait now. I'm looking forward to a break from uni and I'm planning on trying to get really involved in their family life. Also so excited about September when I move to Spain properly. I keep looking at my suitcase and getting butterflies. Eeeee not long now :) The job makes me feel a bit nervous though. I've taught before and I was completely alone with a class of up to 30 Romanian children, so in theory the job in Spain should be simpler than that... but i'm still a bit worried about it all. I want to find out about other people doing the same thing as me. Apparently there is going to be around 150 people all going out at the same time. I'm hoping they're fun and I make some good friends. Also wan't to find out where I'll be living as well. It could be anywhere in Catalonia, I'd love to be in Barcelona though. There's a little bit of my that will be disappointed if I'm not, but I guess anywhere in Spain will be better than nowhere.

Looking forward to the day when I can blog about heading off to the airport, about to start my adventures. My mums taken the day off work to take me so I'm hoping we can do something nice like go for lunch before I head off. I'm secretly a bit scared of flying. Especially when I have to go alone. I've flown on my own 4 times but I like to have someone there to hold my hand. If I let myself think about it too much I feel like I might get a bit panicky so I'll stop now. Doesn't help that I had a dream last night that I was on a plane that kept having issues taking off and then when it finally did, we landed in the sea. SCARY TIMES.

Kisses

4 weeks to go!

(Okay, it's 4 weeks and one day, but close enough!)

So I have four weeks until I go to start my job as an au pair for 8 weeks. I flip between being really excited and really nervous. I just keep imagining how awkward and scary it's going to be meeting the family for the first time in the airport. What do I do? What do I say? Do I jump straight in and talk to the children? I've tried googling for other peoples experiences about this and found a few blogs, but they don't really detail exactly how it was. I'm hoping that at some point in the future someone might find what I write and find it useful.

I'm starting to worry I won't meet anyone to hang out with while I'm there. I'm pretty happy with my own company, going to a cafe alone or trips to the beach... but I need some interaction with young people at some point! I've used couch surfing to try and contact a few people. So far they've mostly been that bit older than me... which is fine but I'm not sure how comfortable I am going off to meet a 50 year old man in the "nice quiet bar I know". I know they are probably harmless and just want to help me explore their town but it still makes me feel a bit uneasy. I'm hoping I'm somehow going to get lucky and meet some nice young people who can show me around and speak enough English for us to get by while I learn Spanish.

I'm also worrying about the language barrier. I haven't had time to practice any Spanish because of uni work and when I do have free time all I want to do is watch rubbish tv and relax for a bit. I want to get to know people and don't want to be the ignorant English person who can't speak any of the language. I guess I have the motivation to do it so it shouldn't be tooo bad.

I finish uni in 3 weeks and then go to Spain in 4 weeks. When I come back for the few weeks in the summer between au pairing and properly moving there in September everything will have changed. No more uni, my mum's moving house, her partner is moving into the new house with her and I'm going to be unemployed and poor for 6 weeks. Not sure how that's going to feel or what I'll do! I'm not good when I have nothing to do, I get grumpy and everything annoys me.

So... 4 weeks, 5 assignments, 2 rooms to pack, loads to buy and shifts to work. I can do this! I should really get started on it all though! And my trip to Spain better be worth it, I really need something fun to end my uni life with!

Kisses

Panic Over

They've replied. My flight is booked for the 22nd May and I'm excited!

I went to town today with the intention of going to Boots and then going to the library. Didn't happen. I ended up having lunch and buying a new suitcase. Pretty unproductive, although the suitcase was a bargain and I saved £115! Went for lunch at this amaaazing Mexican place too. I'd tell you where it is but it'll make me a bit less anonymous and I don't want to blow my cover just yet ;)

So flight booked. Suitcase bought. Spanish improving. And now I'm scared. I'm going to live with a family of strangers. What am I doing?! If I'm scared now, I'll be a nervous wreck by the time I get on the plane. Help.

I looked into horse riding near the town I'll be in. I haven't been riding for years and it would be good to give it a go in Spain. 20 euros an hour, so cheaper than England. I'm going to look into things to do around there. I'd like to have a go at some tennis again too if I can. And swim in the warm sea. And sunbathe. And look after the children of course... Ahhh I'm EXCITED!!

I have my dissertation meeting tomorrow (finally) and I'm worried. Frantically trying to make my work sound good. Fingers crossed!

Kisses

I can speak Spanish (not)

So it turns out the people I am going to work for in Spain think I can speak Spanish. I can't. I did a couple of years of it in school but barely remember any. SPANISH PANIC. I've given up on uni work and started trying to re learn some of the language. I'm using a site called duolingo which is actually pretty good to say it's free. It does have some odd sentences though like "the duck drinks milk". Do they?

I really need a bit of panic to set in about finishing uni so soon. I just don't care. I'll get my work done but I just can't be bothered to do it that well. My mum's friend spoke to me the other day and said she uses me as an example for her children about how not to get stressed about uni work. She said she thinks I'm very intelligent (thanks) but that I only push myself to about 30% of my ability. Compliment or insult? It's true though. I feel like I cruise through life doing the minimum I need to to do okay. Where is my motivation?!

I met up with an old friend yesterday. She said she thinks I'm going to go to Spain, fall in love with the country and a Spanish man and never come home. I reckon I will come back but if a Spanish man wants to fall in love with me then he can feel free! My plan at the moment is to do my au-pairing, come back for a few weeks, go and work in the school for a year and then bum around in Spain or somewhere exciting till I'm 25 and then I have to come home and actually start real life. What "real life" is, I'm not quite sure yet. So I have 2 and a half years to have fun.

I had this horrible thought yesterday while I was in the bath. What if I end up pregnant in the next few months, can't go to Spain, have to live at home with my mum and her man friend bringing up a screaming baby for the next 20 years? (Mother, if you are reading this, I'm not pregnant and I don't plan to be for a very long time, it was just a thought). That would probably be my worst nightmare right now. Obviously I like children, but only if they belong to someone else. I like to play and then give them back. I want a husband, car, house and job before I even think about popping out a sprog. Definitely one day though. Just one day very far away.

So I've realised, my blog so far has been a long ramble about nothing in particular. I promise to you (if anyone is actually reading this...) that when I finally get to Spain it will be more interesting and I'll be telling you all about the amazing fun I'm having and posting pictures of the sun. Or I could be telling you about the evil family who have tricked me into working from them and I'll be writing my blog from the cupboard that they make me sleep in. I'm hoping it will be the former.

I better get on with some work. It's on the public sphere. What even is that? No idea.

Kisses