I went for a walk this morning and sat on one of the jetty things that goes out to sea, listening to music for nearly an hour. It was so peaceful and relaxing and I really had time to think about things. I'm slowly going off the idea of spending a year in Barcelona. It makes me feel sad that I was so excited about it and now I'm going the opposite way, but there is part of me that just wants to get back to England, figure out what it is that I want to do and get a job. I want to have a car and move out of my mum's and be able to do nice things, which I couldn't do while living in Spain with a host family, earning 40 euros a week. I know I won't go straight in to earning big money or anything, but it's more just that I want to get on with life. Deep down I know that what I want is a nice group of friends (which I already have but are now spread across the UK), a job that I enjoy, a little car to get about in and a nice, steady boyfriend. I sound so boring! But then I can't help what I am... I still want to do fun things, see new places etc and I still can, even when I'm working 9-5. I don't know. I'm so indecisive. I'll probably have changed my mind again by next week. I'm going to use my free time to research my options and see what emerges. There's not too much of a rush and I don't have to commit to anything yet.
My first "normal" day of au pairing went well today. I went for a walk and sat by the sea, stopped at a cafe for a drink, caught up on things on my laptop and spent time with the children. I took the older girl to the beach and I was supposed to be helping her practice her English but I'm not sure if we actually did much of that. More just making patterns in the sand, paddling and running around. I had fun though.
Before I came here I thought I'd want to meet people and go for nights out etc, but I'm pretty content just hanging around, having early nights and enjoying the peace and relaxation (seriously, where did the old me go?!). After the last year of uni and all the work I've done it feels so good to just stop and chill out for a bit. I'm trying to be extra healthy, lots of exercise, eating well, no alcohol... I'd love to go back to England tanned, fit and super healthy. I want to join a gym when I get home and really get into looking after myself. But I'll have to see. I seem to say a lot of things at the moment and not follow them through.
I realise my blog isn't really that exiting. It's not funny, full of crazy stories or lots of advice, but I guess one day it will help me to read it back and maybe anyone else in a similar position. I sound like such a loser, reflecting on life and planning the future, but being here alone is really making me think.
I'm having fun here though. 8 weeks doesn't seem too long anymore and I really like the family I'm working for. For anyone reading this who's thinking about au pairing - do it! Make sure you have a good family and go for it.
I'm off to watch Peter Andre: My Life now. How exciting am I?
Kisses
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