So. My first day of being "free" and I'm just sitting in bed. I don't know what to do with myself at all. I feel like I should be doing an essay or at least thinking about it... I just thought I'd have this massive feeling of relief and excitement but I don't. I really, really just want to go home but I've promised I'll stay to go out for a meal tomorrow evening so I can't go home until Wednesday.
I'm going to York tomorrow though to meet up with my best friend. It's the last time I'll see her until I get back from Spain in August. I wish I actually had money to spend though. I want to buy some converse, so that's £40, the train is £7.50 and then I need to buy lunch etc and then go out for a meal tomorrow night. Expensive day. Plus I currently have £18 in my bank. Hmmm. I really don't want to have to ask my parents for money. I'm 22, I shouldn't still be relying on them. It really annoys me that a lot of my friends say they're all independent etc but still rely on parents to pay their rent or bail them out when they've spent all their money on nights out. If your parents can/want to help then fine, but 1, don't bang on about it all the time and 2, don't pretend that you're an adult and can handle your finances etc when you can't control your spending and have to run back to them at the end of each month. I'm not saying I'm great with money, I'm really not, but I try to make sure the important things are paid and usually the things I can't afford at the end of the month are just the things that I want, don't need. I have a bit of money saved, but I'm hoping I won't have to spend this while I'm in Spain as I'll be getting paid for au pairing. I do need to find the money to buy a graduation dress at some point though. We get our house deposit back at some point over the summer so at least I have that to look forward to.
I keep imagining the day I go to Spain. I'll be fine until my mum leaves me at the airport and then I'll get nervous. I don't like flying and then when I get off the plane, I'm going to have the awkward hunt around the airport for my host family, then the awkward meeting, then the awkward car journey home, then the awkward evening, then the awkward breakfast the next day... I don't cope well with awkward. At all. When will it become normal? After a day, a week, a month? What if they expect me to speak Spanish? I can't. What if they want me to do things I can't do? What if they're mean to me? There's a little bit of me thinking I should have stayed in England and bummed around for the summer before I move to Spain in September.. But then I guess I'd have been bored, poor and the weather will probably be bad. I'm just hoping it all goes smoothly, I fit in with them well, I meet other young people to hang out with (how do I do this? Hang around other young people and hope they'll talk to me??) and enjoy the summer. One week and 2 days. How fast has that come round? I started my blog not even sure if/when I was going to get an au pair job and now I'm so close to actually going. Crazy!
I've been offered the chance to go back to Romania in August as well. I'm not sure if my dad will let me go back after last time (can he stop me? I'm 22...) and if it's even a good idea. I might just see how I feel after Spain and think about going out for a week or 2.
What should I do today? All I need to do is pack my last few bits and finish off cleaning the kitchen. Everyone else still have assignments and exams to do so I'm just floating around on my own. I should go into uni and pay my library fine, but can I be bothered to walk alllll the way in just for that? Probably not. I might just watch loads of films. Actually, I've watched nearly every episode of Teachers, maybe I should watch the last few before I leave uni. My life better get more exciting than this. Last semester was good, lots of going out and excitement. This semester has been full of stress and planning. People reading my blog (if there is anyone? Even just one reader...) must think I am so dull. I might write my Romania post today, add a bit of excitement.
Hmmm. What to do, what to do.
Kisses.
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