Spain

I'm here!

I arrived yesterday evening and the family picked me up from the airport. It wasn't as awkward as I had imagined and we drove back to their town chatting and getting to know each other. They showed me round the house which is soo nice and I have my own room and bathroom. We went for a walk round the town and had an ice cream, then came home for dinner. I was up at about half 8 this morning and did a bit of school work with the girl and then went in the pool for a bit. I've just had lunch and now I'm free until 5pm.

All's good so far but I have a feeling 8 weeks is going to seem very long. I think I try to kid myself that I can "do" being abroad and away from home but I don't think I can. There's a bit of me that thinks forget the job in Spain in September and get a job and get on with life. But then I don't want to throw away my opportunity. Maybe it's just because I'm not settled yet, tired and feeling a bit down. I don't know. I just am finding it so tiring being chatty, smiley and enthusiastic. They keep asking if I'm tired because I'm quiet. But when it comes down to it I am quiet. I like my own company and my home comforts. How boring is this making me sound? There's a bit of me that looks at my friends who have a decent job, a nice boyfriend, a flat, a social life... and I want it. I think going abroad is my way of running away from the fact that that's what I want. I try to mold myself into this person that I'm not. I'm not insecure, far from that really. I'm probably one of the only ones in my friendship group that's comfortable with who they are but in my mind sometimes I'm not quite the person I actually am if that makes sense? I'm a home bird. I read blogs and hear my friends talk about incredible times abroad and I love the idea, but when it comes down to it, I'm just not sure if it's "me".

Maybe I'm just a bit homesick and it'll feel better once I'm more settled? I can't help myself looking at the planes in the sky thinking "that will be me in 58 days. One night down, fifty eight to go.

How miserable does this make me sound? I should be happy. I'm with a lovely family, in an amazing place. I'm getting paid to do very little work and I can spend my free time tanning on the beach and exploring the town. I can get into Barcelona in 30 minutes and it looks like there's a lot going on. I need to find some friends. If I knew I was going to meet up with some people my age this evening for drinks I think I would be happier. I've been in touch with a couple of au pairs nearby but they live out of the town so seeing them would mean some proper arranging, not just like grabbing a drink at the local bar. Who unleashed the negative side of me that I keep locked away? And why? I should be loving this and making the most of every opportunity. Why am I missing rainy England? I know if I was one of my friends and I was stuck in England I would be SO jealous. I'm going to the Costa Brava this weekend with the family. They're going sailing and windsurfing. I need to stop being moany and just enjoy this for what it is.

I meet the other girl I'm working with tomorrow. She's a little older and will hopefully speak more English which might make it easier. Hmmm.

I need to do as Yorkshire folk would say to me and "cheer up chuck"... I'm having a nap now and hoping I wake up in a better mood. I feel like a miserable teenager. What is wrong with me.

Kisses